School has started and if you have students in high school, the topic of a date for the Homecoming Dance (now often referred to as “HOCO”) This maybe something to discuss around the dinner table this week. Homecoming, Proms & Sadie Hawkins dances are all opportunities to teach good lessons on dating. Here’s a list to start conversation…
- Don’t underestimate going to a dance in a group of all girls, all guys or both. It takes the pressure off and it may be more fun than with a solo date, especially for the underclassmen/women, ninth and tenth graders.
- Don’t break the bank on attire. This is a good chance to teach smart shopping skills. This is a high school dance, not a wedding. It can be fun to get ready with girlfriends and do nails, make-up and hair at someone’s house. Parents set the tone on this. Dress tastefully and appropriately.
- If you commit to going with a date, don’t back-out unless you are sick or you have good reason to. Likewise, don’t ditch your date once you get to the dance to hang out with your friends for the entire evening.
- If asking a date, ask them in a reasonable time from the event so that a gal can shop for a dress. After all, it’s all about the dress.
- Parents need to know plans and what’s going on. Have a pulse on events so you know what your teenager is up to, who they are with and where they are.
- Be aware if your teen’s feeling have been hurt. These events can sometimes cause disappointment. Share YOUR experiences, so they feel like they are not alone in what they are going through.
- If you have kids over at your house after the dance, know what’s going on, have enough supervision and make sure there is no alcohol. It’s a safety issue and it’s the law.
- It all comes down to respect. Respect for one another, respect for the school that holds the event and the school’s rules, respect for the parents who host a gathering afterwards and their home and respect for one’s self to behave in an appropriate manner.
- A teenager should enjoy this time in their life and events like this should be fun.
- It begins with respect for your date by understanding that you want to ask someone to a dance in time for them to go shopping for a dress.
It’s also important for both teenage boys and girls to remember that peoples feelings get hurt. For example if you are a boy and you ask someone to a dance, you follow through and go with them, not standing them up at the last minute by not showing up. Likewise if you’ve been invited to a dance you don’t change your mind at the last minute. It’s also fair to say “no” if you’re not interested in going with someone, rather than making their evening unpleasant and yours as well. I’ve heard some parents say that “you don’t turn anyone down,” and I can understand that point, so I guess I would say that as parent, here’s where you step in. Each situation is different. YOU have wisdom and life experience. Help your kids through these situations, so that they learn how to handle social interactions respectfully and learn from them for future times. It’s important for you as a parent to be mindful of what’s going on. You wouldn’t want your child to be responsible for hurting someone else’s feelings, and you would want to know if your child’s feelings has been hurt. These are good discussions for around the dinner table. If your child experiences a ‘Homecoming Headache’ like one of the situation as mentioned above, Think back onto your teenage years and if there was a situation that you remember when your feelings were hurt it. It might be a good time to share with them how you felt and in no way make fun of the situation but maybe you can make light of it. Remember the teenagers are dealing with a lot of these feelings and experiences for the first time, be sensitive to that but also keep everything in perspective, focusing on their academics first and foremost, and being there to listen to them when they experience the hiccups in life that many teenagers go through. Remember that YOU are the parent and the ‘adult in the room.’ Don’t let things get out of hand. Your kids are just beginning this dating stage in their life. Guide them through this and allow for them to be kids. It is a very good time. To be footloose and fancy free. Point out that it is good to date and meet people but that they have along life ahead of them and so much offer life to experience, this is just the bringing. Don’t let them grow up too fast. Focus on the fun, don’t think take things too seriously, and just keep your listening ears open so that you can be there when needed. It’s a great day🍎
