This week’s Teaching Tuesday was inspired by a conversation with one of our sons. We were talking about his work and some of his goals. My Dad came up and his immigration to the United States with a cardboard suitcase with just a few items and $5 in his pocket. My Dad had very little to hang his hat on when he arrived. His Dad, my grandfather, had a very small restaurant, in a small place he rented and he had a small sleeping room. My Dedo (Macedonian for Grandfather) spent all of his small savings for the legal work and the arrangements to get his two sons who he had lost contact with during the war. My Dad made the most of every opportunity he had. An Uncle offered to let he and his brother to purchase a drive in restaurant. My Dad and Uncle David worked their bottoms off to make that restaurant a go. They saved and bought another restaurant. Those two worked long hours to provide for their families and even managed to help some extended family when needed. That was just my Dad and Uncle. Qualifier, my kids all have respect for both sets of grandparents and the dedication bot had to raising a great family and being there to help when needed. This just happened to be this discussion today.
Anyway, my son said that he thought of how hard Grandpa Jimmy’s path was to success. When my grandfather, Jovan “John” passed away, it was just the two of them, my Dad and Uncle David. They had cousins and aunts and uncles, but from their immediate family, it was just the two of them. They always, I think, felt a little orphaned, even as grown men. My Dad would say things like, “you are so lucky to have family, “ “you have a good mother, you appreciate her,” comments like that led me to believe that loosing both of his parents before he was age 30-he lost his mother when he was twelve and very kind and generous people in their community stepped in and were so good to my Dad and Uncle, who’s father had left the village to come to American to eventually bring his family the family also lost an older daughter and son. My son said, Mom, I want to be successful for me, but I often think that I need to because if I wasn’t, it would be a disappointment to Grandpa Jimmy for all of the struggles he went through so that his family could have a better life.” I know my Dad would never be disappointed in his kids or grandkids, but I know what Zach meant and it made me feel good that he felt a bit of an obligation to not squander the opportunities he has had because my Dad struggled to eventually provide for his family and send his kids to college.
I really think it’s a good idea for kids to hear about their ancestors struggles and how hard they worked to make a life for their kids and grandkids. Life is hard. As parents we try to spare our kids from hearing difficult news or hardship. When kids are younger, of course we protect them, as there are some things that kids are not mature enough to understand. But as they get older and comprehend different topics, talk about the commitment it takes to be a good parent and the sacrifice. This helps kids learn that it’s work to be a parent. Yes, a parent gets joy from providing for their children and family but it should be valued and appreciate. A parent should not feel like or be treated like just an ATM machine for an ungrateful son or daughter. Kids don’t just have appreciate sewn into their heart, a parent needs to create it. As I have mentioned before, time in the car or at the dinner table are perfect opportunities to talk about our parents and grandparents and the struggles they went through to provide for their families. This helps give your child pride in those who came before them. Tell them some of the things you remember about parents and grandparent, maybe how they looked, what they liked to do. My husband likes NECCO candies because his grandfather, Grandpa Harlan, who helped him build the swing set our kids used as children. Grandpa Harlan wanted to go to college. His family didn’t have the money. He worked at General Motors on the team that made the tilt cabs-he helped GM get the patent on that design. He could have gone further had he had that college degree. He worked hard so that his daughter, my mother-in-law could go to college at the University of Michigan. I would hear my kids tell their friends that story. They had TONKA trucks with that tilt cab feature and the boys told their friends about Grandpa Harlan.
You and your family have great stories. Bring them to life and let your kids know who the people were in your family who came before them. If you have photos, show them. They’ll start pointing out who looks like who. Keep these people’s memories alive. It made me feel good to hear Zach talk about my Dad. After we hung up, I started thinking about my Dad and the story he used to tell his customers about our daughter who got him to quit smoking when she was 3 years old. My parents and in-laws used to watch Sasha while I taught. My Mom wouldn’t let my Dad smoke in the house. He had to go out on to the deck. Sasha didn’t know my Dad smoked. She went outside and said to my Dad, “Jimmy Todorovsky, I caught you smoking!!” My Dad never picked up another cigarette after that. He told me that he was so embarrassed. He would tell customers that story over and over. He would make his voice sound like Sasha, “JEEMY Todorovsky, I caught you smoking” and he’d point his finger like Sasha did. My Dad lived twenty-seven year after that. He had smoked as long as I could remember. Sasha getting my Dad to quit most likely prolonged his life. What a great story. Sasha and Dan’s girls have heard that story. Keep these stories alive and let your kids know about THEIR PEOPLE. Let them know that they are building upon their ancestors successes so that they can have a happy life, leading to many…Great Days 🍎
