YOU are the most important mentors and role models, as parents, in your kids lives, HANDS DOWN. YOU are their first and most important teachers. PERIOD! That does not mean that you cannot enlist a little help for the most important job and most important role you will ever take on. Pick “your team” wisely. As Leon, who made those funny football commercials several years back, “You Can’t Do It All.” Grandparents can play an important role, endearing aunts and uncles, pastors, teachers, coaches and close family friends can be mentors and play a special part in your kids’ lives. There may be some topics that easier for your kids to talk to an uncle who may be closer in age to them who may understand dating (or at least they think single “Uncle Buck” does). My husband had an Uncle, Uncle Ron, who wasn’t necessarily younger, but he had an energetic youngish personality. He had been a fighter pilot in Vietnam. Uncle Ron lost a son as a baby had a daughter Tammy and he was quite close to his nephews. In fact, the night before our wedding, Uncle Ron called Aunt Carol to tell her, that he’d be staying with the guys at the cottage as he felt they needed a little supervision. Code for “I’d like to stay out at the lake to have drinks and play cards with the guys.” When my husband had some big decisions to make early on in his adult life, like buying a car, he would call Uncle Ron for his opinion, in addition to his Dad and his Grandpa. Close family members will most likely be life long confidants. Invite people into your child’s life for these close relationships who are good quality people whom you trust. Uncle Ron was one of those people for my husband…
Coaches can hold a place in that spot too, especially when it comes to sports and college decisions. Both our daughter and daughter-in-law had coaches that had a huge influence on them. Amanda had a Field Hockey coach in Pennsylvania who inspired Amanda to not only excel in high school sports buy in her academics as well. Her coach had played Field Hockey at the University of Michigan and then went on to coach high school teams to one winning season after another. Amanda, and her sisters, all went on to be star academic athletes at big school and led their teams as captains at the University of Virginia (for her sisters) and Michigan State University for Amanda. She told me that her coach taught more that field hockey skills but life long skills as well to succeed as an adult. No doubt, Amanda’s parents and close grandparents were the biggest and most influential role models in their children’s lives, but their high school field hockey coach left an impact on them too…
Sasha’s high school golf coach, Martha Ryan did the same for her. Martha not only lead the girls to State Championships year after year, but she taught them to be prepared (with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and water in their bags), to dress for the elements (starting practices early in the season when it cold and some days it even snowed and still, they practiced, snow, rain or shine), to take care of their bodies (by getting to bed on time) and to not let their studies slip. She would tell the girls that “It’s not always the best team that wins, but the team that is best prepared, no matter the elements or conditions.” Sasha’s senior year, at the State Championship Tournament in late October, it rained, sleeted and snowed all in the same day. Martha’s coaching, no doubt was a factor in the girls pulling off another State Championship Title for Grand Blanc Girls’ Golf. Rochester was favored to win and the Grand Blanc team won by double digits. Martha was instilling the same goals we were trying to instill. To have reinforcement of the lessons you are trying to teach at home with the other trusted adults, coaches and mentors in your kids lives, can only help in your success. Yes, it does take a village to raise good kids into good adult citizens.
These additional adults can help you teach the lessons that are on ‘your agenda’ to teach your children. I have told this story before. Our youngest son needed to fire a tennis coach when he was in high school. We told him to talk to three people before making big decisions in life. He talked to us, his grandfather and “Coach Paul.” When he called coach Paul to come over to talk about firing his tennis coach, Coach Paul said that he’d be glad to come over as a sounding board. Bouncing important decisions off other trusted individuals who only have your best interest in mind, we felt as parents, was a good lesson to teach. We knew that a change had to come, but we wanted Zach to have a big part in this important decision. To hear other people, who cared about him, saying the same thing, confirmed to him that it was the best choice. When he told his coach what he had decided, he felt confident that he had made best choice after talking to others close to him then deliberating, time had been spent on this decision and he had no regrets.
No one does anything by themself. We all need help along the way. Parenting is no different. When we raise good kids and sent kind, considerate and well prepared young adults out into the world, we all benefit, leading to many, Great Days for so many 🍎
