This topic may bring on comments like, “I raised my kids, I’m not raising my grandkids.” That is so not the point here, although, there are grandparents our there who have been in situations where they had no choice. I saw some of these kids in my classes when I taught in Flint, and these incredible people stood up to the plate when necessary and they did what they needed to do and their grandchildren were down right very fortunate people to have them stand in for parents who either died or were incarcerated. Hats off to them. No, what I’m talking about is giving your kids a break now and then from the toughest and most important job in the role, parenting. You get it, you’ve been there…
This was my husband’s idea. After our first grandchild was born, for a Christmas gift, he suggested to me that as a gift for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary for both our daughter & son-in-law, we send them away for a few days and watch our granddaughter. For some families, due to logistics, or time constraints this may not be possible. How about for a night out or a weekend?
We have done this every year since and now for our son and daughter-in-law, in fact we are just coming off a week of their two year old twins and four year old. Was it work? Yes, especially with me on week 4 of recovery since a second surgery, but my husband did more than his part on this round. Toddlers and preschoolers have lots of energy and yes, as grandparents, we don’t have what we had energy wise when we were raising our kids but what a fun week we had. To have your grandkids all to yourself, you see them in a different light, you get to know them and you are creating a bond with them that will last a lifetime. I know that because our kids have that with THEIR grandparents.
A few suggestions on my part would be to have Mom write up a general outline of the kids schedule. Last week, we didn’t really need a note, because I watch them here and there and know their routine. I always have the kids leave the insurance card and a typed out “permission to seek medical attention,” note, signed and dated. We have never needed to use it at the hospital, but it’s good to have on hand. We went through the house prior to the kids coming and looked for safety risks. If you have a pool, stairs or any other area to be addressed, do it before they come, as in gates or barriers. Our policy when there are kids in the house is that the alarm is ALWAYS on at night. Kids can get out and an alarm will notify you. We have never had that happen but I have a friend whose preschoolers got out on a Saturday morning and fortunately, she saw them looking in the neighbors windows, they lived near a lake too. The kids were fine, but this could have been a tragic situation. Who would guess that a preschooler could unlock a door and would go out-they watch EVERYTHING WE DO.
My recommendation is to stick with the parents routine as much as possible. You want them to come back to kids that have been to bed on time, had their naps rather than them having to undo what you have done. However, when it comes to behavior, YOUR HOUSE, YOUR RULES. This isn’t a problem with us, but I have heard from other grandparents that sometimes their kids have different philosophies. If your rule is that they don’t take food in the living room and they can do that at home, “YOUR HOUSE YOUR RULES,” and the food stays in the kitchen, as in at the kitchen table, kitchen counter.
If you can enlist some relief, do it. We watched our other grandchildren a few weeks ago and our daughter was able to hire some sitters so that we could have a night out to go to an event we had plans for. Arrange this in advance with your kids and only hire sitters that your kids know so that there are no surprises and for safety reasons. Have the sitter aware of any safety issues, like pool or stairs and address.
In terms of suggestions, lastly, in my experience, keeping communications between the kids and parents, sending videos back and forth works well, rather than phone calls/Face Time. We would make a short video to send to their parents, where each child told something about their day and their parents did the same. Mornings seemed to be the best time to view the videos. During breakfast I would show the kids the videos. In the morning they seemed to be most rested, at their best and less likely to be weepy or sad. I would recommend not doing this before bedtime where they could be laying in bed sad or they could start crying. We would follow up the video with, something like, “isn’t it nice to see Mommy and Daddy having fun? They miss you too. They work so hard for you every day, they need a break every once in a while and isn’t it nice to hang out with Coach and Yana?” Any comments about missing Mommy and Daddy-which were really very few, as we kept them very busy-were met with, “It is ok and fair to miss Mommy and Daddy, that means you love them so much. We only have ____ (number of days) sleeps before they will be back. Let’s have as much fun as we can before they get back.” Always up and positive buy letting them know that it’s ok to miss Mommy and Daddy.
Your grandchildren benefit by spending time with you, besides their parents and other grandparents, who loves them more, or has their best interest in mind? They get to hear your stories from growing up and see how you make their favorite foods and see what YOU are like on a day to day basis. In addition, I think that it is good for kids to have to adapt to their grandparents house and rules. This is a good skill to acquire early as they will need to adapt to the authority of a preschool teacher, a classroom teacher, a Sunday school teacher or coach.
When you get your grandkids for more than a few hours, without their parents, you really get to know them. To be part of their daily routine, hear them say their prayer before meals and at bedtime, read them their favorite stories, help them look for their Puppy or Bun Bun to tuck them in at night, gives you a picture into what their days are like…
What this does for your adult kids is that it gives them a break for a night, a weekend or a few days. You remember what it was like to. be on duty as a parent 24/7. It’s exhausting. Day in and day out, to get to work, work your job and then come home and be on duty the moment you walk in the door. Whether a parent works at home, from home or out of the house, your mind is constantly consumed with your child’s well being. For your adult kids to get a break, gives them a chance to be free of the responsibility, they can get a good night’s sleep and they will come back to their role refreshed without worries. Who loves their kids as much or more than they do?! YOU! Lastly, think about what this can do for their marriage. For a young couple to get a break for a night, weekend or a few days, can be good for their relationship. No matter the length of time you are able to give them, it will be a welcomed gift, leading to great days for you, your children AND grandchildren. Win/win/win. I like that!
