A few weeks back, I was scrolling on Instagram- yes, I scroll-when I came across a video narrated by a Mom. Her daughter whom she referred to as “Precious,” is seen walking out of Starbucks in slow motion, sauntering towards Mommy’s car. Mommy says, “Here comes Precious”-hair blowing in the wind, “With her venti, two pump, French vanilla, non-fat blah blah blah., wearing her $120 Lululemon leggings, her $125 ALO sweatshirt and on her feet are her $200 UGG boots.” As Precious gets into Mommy’s SUV the camera pan to Mommy, who described herself as wearing a track suit from Kohl’s and she was holding her homemade antiquated coffee mug. She says something like “the sacrifices we make for our children.” Like many of you, I completely went to the comments wanting to hear if people took this as a joke or if they were on the ‘Precious Bandwagon’ interestingly, it was about 50-50.
Here’s what I surmised. Of course I didn’t go look up the people who made which comments, but I wondered if the age group of the parents who made comments like, “Yeah, me too. I give up so much so my “Precious” can stroll around like a, ‘Instagram Influencer’ (which is the most popular job teenagers/twenty something are working towards) I’m with ya Sister,” might be the “Gen X parents,” the age group just below the Baby Boomer age group. The parents who were in the camp of, “ARE YOU CRAZY?! What are you teaching ‘Precious’ by enabling such stupid behavior?” This would be ME! Yes, Baby Boomer, born in 1963.
To the Mother of Precious: This could be a great learning experience for your sixteen-year-old daughter. I do not know if “Precious“ has a job. I am surmising from the comment that she has given up so much for “Precious” that she does not and that you are purchasing all of these very nice luxuries for her, including the seven-plus dollar drink at Starbucks. Here’s a few suggestions; I’m guessing you have a coffee pot or a coffee maker at home and that’s where you made yours. How about if “Precious” makes her own morning drink at home, drinks it out of her own mug that she buys herself. It would be a very good math problem to figure out how much it cost her to make coffee at home versus the Starbucks and how much money she would save per day. Multiply that by seven for a week, multiply that by 52 and little ”Precious” would see how much money she saved by making coffee in the morning herself -not to mention the time it would save on the way to school. Do a comparison side to side. This would prompt a very good discussion about saving.
Next lesson, teenage “Precious” needs a job. “Precious” has been pampered for way too long. It’s time for Mommy and Daddy to sit down with their teenage daughter and let her know how much you will contribute to her school wardrobe and goodies. When precious’s jaw drops, tell her of course she can have the clothes she wants if she is willing to pay for them. If she is paying for the clothes with her own money, she may become creative and buy things on sale, sell some of her clothes that she no longer wears on Poshmark and she could buy the clothes she wants with Poshmark credit, saving her own hard earned money. This can be another math lesson too. “Precious” also needs to know that you may cover some of her fun expenses, but you as her parents will have to decide what is reasonable. Concert tickets, movie tickets, gas $$, lunch/dinner out with friends; this can get pricy. As long as Mom and Dad are paying for it, the sky’s the limit. Consider what is fair and the rest is up to “Precious.” (Believe me, you are doing her a favor in the long run)
Question for Mom and Dad. How long do you plan on supporting “Precious” in the lifestyle she has become accustomed to? This may take some soul searching. Maybe it’s fun for Mom or Dad to take “Precious” shopping at the mall or online and buy her everything that she wants, regardless of the cost. Will” Precious” be going to college/trade school so she can pay for these niceties herself in the future? How will this be paid for? Is Precious a stellar student eligible for scholarships? These are all questions that should have been asked years ago, as in before high school.
Question for Mom and Dad. Would you expect “Precious’s” husband someday to fund all of these niceties or for these to be part of their family budget, and that may include hair appointments and nails as well? As the mother of two sons, if I saw a girl like this, I would have said to my sons, “run” because “Precious” does not look like a team player to me. As the mother of a former teenager girl, my daughter learned the value of a dollar, how to work hard (she pushed a lawn mower with her brothers as their summer job) and how to do her nails at home. A stop at Starbucks was a treat on our way to go school shopping/special shopping trip. It was NOT a daily habit. A potential spouse needs to be a team player, just my opinion. “Precious” looks to me like she’s all about “Precious”. Not a good look.
To “Precious” and her Mom. Here’s what I do admire in a young lady a few years down the road, let’s say age 22-24.
- A young woman who is focused on putting her best foot forward. She either has a skill or college education that will allow her to support herself. Maybe she is a nurse, a teacher, a hairdresser or has earned her place in a graduate program to study law, medicine or some other field that will allow her to support herself without too much or any debt.
- A young woman who has educated herself on finances. Either she has taken a Dave Ramsey course on managing money or has obtained other training so that she is “finance savvy.” She is saving/setting aside, even if it is the smallest amount, a little each month for either a rainy day fund and/or retirement. This gal is also mindful of looking for deals when it comes to groceries-shopping for coupons, gas savings for her car, buying things on sale or used. A girl/or anyone needs to learn that “Just because it’s on sale, doesn’t mean I need it“-as in of that dress is so cute and it’s such a deal.Buy it if you need it. But NOT because it is a good deal.
- A young woman who is willing to roll up her sleeves and do what it takes to get where she needs to go, as in ‘putting in an honest effort to get to your goal.” Here’s what I mean. I remember substitute teaching the month and an half (may-mid-June) after I graduated from the University of Michigan. I didn’t have a permanent teaching job so I took a job at the local department store, Hudson’s, and I signed up to be a sub. I often got called to the same school so I got to know some of the teachers. In talking with one of the younger teachers, in her late twenties/early thirties on our lunch hour, she told me that she admired my willingness to sub as she felt that “she didn’t go to college for 4 years to sub and she never would have considered it.” I told her that I had no problem with that and that in addition to subbing most every school day Monday -Friday, I worked weekends and some evenings at Hudson’s and if my Dad was short a waitress, I filled in when I could.” I decided then and there that work was a really good thing and never would I feel that any type of honest meaningful work was ‘beneath” me. One never knows what type of hardship or financial situation they could find themselves in. To make good bucks waitressing or doing a type of service job to help make ends meet is always available. If you are supporting your family or even yourself, do what you need to (Again, honest, meaningful work, no “Fans Only or any other job that compromises you morals/values). It gave me a good feeling to know that I could always find work. All these years later, and that’s what I remember about “Cindy.” Don’t be a “Cindy.” Also, there’s nothing wrong with taking a second job as a fitness instructor/front desk gal to get a complimentary gym membership or taking any other job to save here and there.
- A young woman who looks for or makes her own opportunities. Here’s what I mean. Maybe you are a nurse. You could work at the local hospital, it‘s close, the pay is good, but you would like to travel do some cool trips while you are ‘footloose and fancy free‘ and unattached so you plan to travel on your time off. Well, maybe you could be a traveling nurse, on a cruise ship, for a camp out west or at Camp Michigania (a U of M Camp in Northern Michigan) for the summer. This could be an incredible opportunity and it could lead to other opportunities. About a month before I graduated from college, I got a call to nanny for a family who owned a major sports team in New York City. A friend of a friend’s parents had recommended me. How cool would that have been. I turned it down because I felt that I needed the summer to nail down a teaching job close to home for the following school year. Looking back, what a unique experience that would have been. Who knows where or what it could have led to. Go after those cool and exiting ventures and be on the look out for them!
- A young woman who takes care of her health and physical wellbeing. Getting enough rest, doesn’t drink too much or over indulge in things she should not. A young woman who acts like the friend she want to have or the spouse she hopes to attract. A young woman who dates not as a hobby or doesn’t waste a young man’s time if she is not interested. A young woman who treats herself with respect and treats others as she wishes to be treated.
This Mother could have posted this video as humor. I don’t know her intention. I don’t follow her, but she just came up and I thought it was a good teachable moment with a few few tweaks here and there “Precious“could get on track and set herself up for many great days, but not in the situation she is in. At this point, Mom can do better to get “Precious“ on a good path for adulthood:)
