Poor Parenting At A Restaurant

…PLEASE DO NOT SUBJECT US TO YOUR POOR PARENTING SKILLS & other thoughts

     Last night the Hubby and I went out for a nice dinner. It’s been a busy few weeks-more on that in Friday’s blog post this week.  Anyway, we were looking forward to a delicious dinner at The Union Woodshop in Clarkston. The hostess seated us at a nice round booth in the center section by the windows. Looking at the drink menu, I found a nice semi-dry cider from Porter’s in Goodrich-that’s where we get our apples, cider and donuts in the fall. We order the brisket with two sides of macaroni and cheese and the Woodsticks to start with, served with their cream cheese dip. Our waiter was friendly and brought the drinks and woodsticks quickly, we arrived about 7:15 so we were hungry. As we started enjoying, a child in the other round booth across from us started screaming. His mother was immersed in conversation with the others in her booth, totally ignoring her child who was laying on his back in the booth and his head, neck and shoulders were handing off the booth, his head was about to hit the wood floor. She grabbed him by the legs and he screamed. She pulled him up and slapped him. Had she been paying attention to him, he would not have been in such a predicament. He screamed more and then the other child started screaming. This went on during our entire dinner. You couldn’t help but look. The mother continued to talk to the three other men in the booth. I imagined a husband and possibly two other family members, brothers, brother-in-law, i don’t know, but it must have been a pretty important meeting to drag two children, with estimated ages of 3 and 15 months past their bedtime (our grandchildren at those ages were in bed by 7:30. What kind of behavior did she expect and then for her to punish a child for poor behavior when he is ignored and beyond his bedtime?  Poor child and then the 15 month old little girl was just modeling her older brother’s behavior. 

     In addition to the children put into an uncomfortable situation, how about the poor customers subjected to this mother-and father’s-poor parenting skills, he did nothing to help the situation. Dinner at the Woodshop is not cheap. It’s quality food, drink and service-not to mention setting/decor. Our entree’ was about $30, add the woodsticks and two drinks-one for us each, a treat of a dinner worth the cost and to spend that kind of $$ with two screaming children in my mind is not ideal. Just not right. I mentioned it to the waiter, explaining that it was not his problem as what was he to say. If he said anything I am sure they would have branded him the bad guy. What would the manager or owner say without being the bad guy? It was hard not to look each time one of the children screamed. The screaming was so high pitched it was irritating to the ears I could only imagine how someone would have felt with a hearing aid. I made eye contact after about 20 minutes of the poor behavior-which again, in my opinion was not the children’s fault. I was full aware that the Mom may come over to me to scold me for noticing her children’s behavior. An aside is that the Dad was oblivious which surprised me, more on that to come. Had the Mom come over, I was prepared and had in my mind what to say…

     “I noticed you looking at my children and you have no idea what a Mom goes through raising children.”

“Actually, I do know a thing or two about raising children. I have taught parenting classes, we raised three children and NEVER would we have subjected a restaurant full of patrons to our children’s poor behavior. In fact, when our children started to cause a scene/got tired or experienced a tantrum, one of us took the kids out to the car, while the other one settled up the bill and got the food to go. We are the grandparents of 5 grandchildren and we would do likewise if we had the children out. We have been out to dinner with our children who have done the same in our presence. You have an entire restaurant full of patrons, out to enjoy a nice evening out-some may have gotten a sitter themselves, who had to listen to your children screaming because you allowed them to get out of hand because you were not paying attention. This is a reflection on you, not your children. YOU are responsible for your children’s behavior at their ages. This is not a me problem, this is a you problem.”

     Would I have said this? Probably not. But it’s something this Mom needed to contemplate. WE ALL need to think of how our actions affect other. Another example is the approximately 7 and 8 year old boys we saw at the airport a couple of weeks ago, waiting for their flight with their parents. The parents continued to talk to other passengers waiting while the two boys ran as fast as they could, racing one another down the concourse of the airport back and forth numerous times.  I was safe and not in danger of being run into by the boys, but there were numerous older travelers using walker and canes or using neither but unsteady. These boys were most likely NOT instructed to be mindful of older people who could be harmed by them running into them or startled, resulting in a fall for the senior citizen. A fall for an older person can be the end of their independence, resulting in a hospitalization, surgery, doctor visits, bills and help by their loved ones getting them back to health and mobilization. A young child would be totally unaware of their actions, should a parent not instruct and teach them. An airport is not a place to run wild. A park, a basement, a gym or yard, of course a young boy should be free to run, but in an airport when others could be put at risk?! ABSOLUTELY NOT!  

     As with so many issues in life, it comes down to respect for others, treating others as we would wish to be treated, in other words, The Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Matthew 7:12..

     The same applies to older citizens as well. Yes, this is a Teaching Tuesday, these lessons are primarily for parents of children from birth into young adulthood. However, senior citizens can also learn from this lesson. Respect the time and personhood of those caring for you. Be mindful of how you are treating those who care for you or whom you depend on for your basics, transportation and necessities in life. Of  course your children, other loved ones and caregivers will occasionally look the other way when you are having a bad day, remember that they have feelings and their own daily tasks to tend to as well. Be mindful of that. A little courtesy here and there goes a long way for us all no matter our age or stage in life. AND it could result in many Great Days for so many 🍎