Probably thirty years ago or so, I met a gal twenty-years or so older than me at a friend’s party. Her intro comment was that her youngest had just finished medical school and residency in a speciality, so her kids were in my age group. It was interesting to hear her talk about her kids all on their own. She told me how fast it all went and some funny stories about them growing up, at the ages our kids were-preschool and kindergarten. One of the funny stories I remembered was when her daughter didn’t want to take her coat off. She wanted to sleep in it and sit at the dinner table with it on. I said, why didn’t you just tell her to take it off and MAKE her do it, like send her to the laundry room if she wouldn’t or something. She said something very interesting to me that I didn’t get at that time, buy now I do, with my kids at the ages her kids were when that conversation took place, “You pick your battles Mary Yana.”
Well that conversation was the beginning of a friendship that taught me so much about ‘what to expect as your kids got older.’ Actually I had four friends who were older who were a wealth of wisdom and knowledge and to this day, I give them all credit for ‘teaching me the ropes,’ on certain life issues and parenting. Well that meeting resulted in an invitation to Lillian’s annual party. Lillian knew everyone and her party was an event many looked forward to. She began preparing a few months out, washing all of the dishes, flatware, getting out the linens and serving platters and dishes. She hired high school girls to work her party and she even had a coat check so that the guests coats were hung on a clothes line in the basement. Lillian and her husband had raised a large family and all of her kids had gone to top notch school and were off doing great things. Lillian and Michael had raised great kids and her home was a reflection of the life they created. Her walls were decorated with kids artwork, acceptance letter and family photos from their travels and summers traveling the country. The guests list usually totally up to one-hundred fifty or so. When I called to respond to the pretty invitation, I asked what I could bring.
She responded with,
“Could you bring the Ranch Dressing for the spinach salad?”
“Absolutely,” I responded. “How much would you like me to bring?”
“How about 5 of those big jugs that the restaurant get it in, that should do it.”
“How many do you expect?”
“Oh, about one-hundred fifty or so.”
Not knowing quantities as I do now, I called my Dad who had Atlas Coney Island to ask him to save me 5 of those big containers. He asked what I needed them for, he thought maybe a project with the kids or something. I said no and told him what they were for and what I was making to put in them. He asked
“HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL BE AT THIS PARTY!”
“About one hundred-fifty.”
“Mary Yana, that’s enough dressing for at least FIVE HUNDRED.”
“Dad, she asked me to bring five of those, I’m taking five of those.”
So my Dad saved those for me and I spent an afternoon making homemade Ranch dressing for Lillian’s party. Now, maybe I misunderstood Lillian’s directions, she had done this for years and asked some guest to bring items like bacon for the salad, bags of washed spinach, onions, (she made the delicious baked chicken, same menu every year) potatoes and desserts. The next year, someone told her that I was a good baker and the following year and every year following that we attended, I took five homemade Apple Pies…
Lillian inspired me to entertain. I started with small dinner parties, then larger dinner parties and eventually a summer party with nearly one-hundred guests. Yes, I made all of the food for each one, I used real dinner plates for almost all of them and I hired my own kids to work and then other kids too as needed. It was fun to plan the party, create the list, send out the invitation-complete with a request for men to wear ties and women to dress for the occasion with a little poem to end the invitation, “So put on your favorite dress or your favorite tie, we’d love to see you so please stop on by,” and with the exception of one guest in all of those years, all of the men DID wear ties-and then wait to hear the responses come in. It was fun to be the one HAVING the party, planning the event, getting into what I call “PARTY MODE,” the week of the party as I grocery shopped did the food prep, the cooking, the setting of the serving table, making the playlist, deciding of what to wear and making sure the house looked lovely…
A few images from parties.
In all those years of parties, the only debacle was the year that I had a torn calf muscle and I did the prep and cooking on crutches, there was no homemade bread that year, my dear friends in Fenton, Pam and Rick picked up bread from the speciality bakery on their way, everything else I did myself. The dessert was a frozen Key Lime Pie, and it had been made the weekend before the injury. The show must go on and it did. We haven’t done the party in a few years, there was covid and life got busy, maybe there is at least one more summer party in the tank, who knows…
This weekend, we will be celebrating our youngest son’s Engagement to the lovely Miss Claire, as our grandchildren have come to know Zach’s future wife. Zach and Claire have decided to plan and execute a weekend of events for us to meet Claire’s family and then a small gathering on Saturday evening. They have planned for and paid for everything on their own. We received a nice invitation and itinerary with detailed information of all the events, locations, times and attire. We all are so excited to celebrate our youngest child/youngest sibling’s Engagement.
It seems like just a handful of years ago, I met Lillian and heard about her youngest child completing his residency and listening to her say how quickly the time passed and here I am. And then here we are there to enjoy and celebrate, not planning, not organizing and not executing. Life marches on, time matches on…The kids grow up, they become adults and take on their lives. It gives you time to reflect and you think of the graduations, the engagements, the weddings, the grandchildren and the gratitude for it all…Life is a journey…To recall a phrase Lillian was known for when having a conversation and then wanting to move on to the next topic, “Pass the Mashed Potatoes,” I’m not quite ready to “pass the mashed potatoes,” I think I’d like to stay here and linger for a while and soak it all in; the happiness, the gratitude for all the kids, the choices they have made and the successes/rewards fruits of their labors the time spent parenting, mentoring and guiding them and how it all turned out. Life is full of up’s and downs and right now to relish in the ups and see us all together and take in the smiling faces, will be captured in my mind and heart for the rest of my life. I thank God for these moments and snapshots in my life. Bring the Ranch Dressing to life or what ever it is that is the dressing on the salad or icing on the cake that makes the everyday efforts worth it…because it is worth it.
