If you look up the definition of viper, you’ll find a few different meanings such as the creature from the snake family found in most parts of the world, absent only from a few areas around the world.All are venomous and have long fangs. Then there is the Dodge Viper car, that was in production for twenty five years and then there is the reference in literature or culture of the ‘Viper,” defined as a character that is malicious, treacherous or spiteful person who acts with hidden cruelty.The metaphor, or comparing the creature to a human, draws directly from the venomous snake, that would strike suddenly and quietly to inject poison. Or one could refer to the viper as a word to describe a horrible circumstance that can, like the creature a viper’ inflict much damage and harm to the victim, like the toll the ‘viper of cancer’ can take on a person…. So now that a viper has been defined, consider the Vipers that take a toll in your life. Those who can take an enjoyable day and with one sentence, let the air out of your balloon or the wind out of your sail. The co-worker who makes your days not go quite as smooth, one upping you. Think about the Vipers that rob us of good health and mobility like cancer, depression, or other ailments that prevent a person from living a healthy physical life. Think about, the stressors like obsessing over finances, work pressure or any social pressure that causes one to feel that they don’t measure up. Now, if I missed anything that hold you back from enjoying your life, well, “fill in the blank” with those factors________________.
Hold that thought…
Now, brainstorm or make a little unofficial list of those experiences in your life that make you happy, the people who make you smile and those activities that contribute to days that you consider, “Great.” These could be days spent with your kids, grandkids, the evenings around a table at the end of the day when you come together as a family, maybe they are your Sunday morning worship where you give thanks for the gifts God has given you, maybe it’s a welcomed vacation, a quiet night at home with your spouse, a family tradition spent on a fall Saturday morning heading to a tailgate and football game or a round of golf with the guys in golf league in May. Maybe it’s a walk on your favorite northern Michigan beach or a boat ride at sunset with your family. Everyone has their own idea of treasured times…
Alright. Here’s the challenge. Try to protect the second list FROM the first list. There are something we have to make the most of, like the co-worker that is not going anywhere, unless you want to make a career change or the guy or gal who joins the family by marrying into you family and a once close family, no longer is because that guy or gal just isn’t a team player. They may not even realize the friction and turmoil they cause-although they probably do-but their failure to compromise or self-centeredness causes ripples of discourse in a close knit family. The cancer that comes back a second or third time, you DO have to deal with. The taxes are due and the savings for a rainy day had to go to replacing a roof and other repairs beyond what the insure covered. However, the other things that we can bypass or skirt? DO. If the thought of going to the neighborhood Christmas party to see that group of couples that seem too ‘judgmental,’ don’t go. Plan your own special night out for the season with your spouse, get dressed up and make your own holiday cheer. If the thought of spending money of a spring break trip that you don’t have, just to make the kids happy. Don’t plan it to being with. Maybe it’s a good idea for the kids to learn early on that spring break isn’t a ‘given’ or a necessity. Your family had some extra expenses this year and even though a warm weather destination vacation is a great thought, the financial stress would probably prevent Mom and especially Dad from enjoying the trip and the’ buyers remorse’ afterwards, not to mentioned more money in debt is just not worth it. You don’t need the stress or the increased financial debt. Good lesson for the kids to learn early on. Plan some family fun activities at home and use the time to explain to kids why the family needed to reign in and buckle down financially sometimes.
Maybe it’s something we realize as we get older and wiser, but protecting our peace and private time is valuable. Each one of us are responsible for our own happiness and boundaries. We have our responsibilities to our immediate families and ourselves. For our families, when our kids are young, we need to take care of them. We can’t dump them on our parents or other family members. Yes, grandparents will help with the kids, but we need to respect THEIR time. As parents, we have a responsibility to raise well behaved and responsible children who will be productive members of society . That’s our role as a parent. As our kids enter to the adult world, we still need to help them find their way. Of course the responsibility is less as they take on more responsibility themselves, but we’re still guiding them, giving them advice and as they get married and start their own families, we back off, allow them their space as a couple/family, help as we can, but allow them to be in charge of their own life and manage. Also, we need to take care of ourselves. We need to make sure we eat right we get enough exercise, get enough sleep, etc. . We take care of our health so we’re there for our spouse, our children and to help other family members when they need it. Sometimes we do need to pitch and help family members and others, However, people should not use anyone as a crutch. Most people are willing, when someone is in need, to help, but no one should ever wear out their welcome or overstep their bounds again, each of us is responsible for our own well-being. So yes, we each have responsibilities at different times in our lives towards other and there are times when we step up to help those who need help. However, none of us should be disrespected or dumped on. These types of situations can negatively affect friendships or other family relationships. When some one feels taken advantage of or treated unfairly, it erodes good feelings. It’s fair to put on the oxygen mask on ourselves once in a while so that we are healthy enough to be of use to others…
Protect the precious times, the time with your children, grandchildren, your spouse and the good times with your friends who you like being around. Do the things you need to, endure the times that you need to endure and spend less time doing the things that don’t bring you joy that are not necessities. Life is short, the clock is ticking and the stressful, irritating situations that just bring you down, may rob the joy and energy from you. To spend your time with people who make you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, is a waste of time. Be judicious with what you take on. How many committees to you want to be part of? If you love that sort of thing and feel that your time is well spent and productive, go for it. But if it’s nothing but a chore that you do not look forward to, let someone else who thoroughly enjoys that type of work take that on-I actually have a friend who totally loves community service and being on committees and is good at it, so there are people out there to take over if it’s NOT your thing.
Don’t let the vipers of life, rob you of the experiences that make you life special. Try to live as many great days as possible. There are enough tough ones that can take a toll on us.
