It was about this time of year, about thirty years ago. YIKES! I went in for the end of the year pre-school parent conference. We were so excited for our daughter to be looking forward to kindergarten, having already done the whole “Kindergarten Round-up” thing-that sounds sort of like a little rodeo, “kindergarten round-up 🐴.” Anyway, I go into the classroom, left Dad home with the two kiddos. The pre-school teacher greeted me, told me how well our little darling was doing and then she said, “but of course, you’ll be waiting to start her in school, with her being a September birthday and all.” What?! I thought. If she’s doing so well, why are we waiting another year for her to start school. There was probably more to the discussion but I said, something like, “We’ll have to discuss this at home and I’ll get back with you.” I was blind sighted. This was our first child and we hadn’t even considered waiting a year. I drove home thinking, I thought the decision had been made and. Now this?
Like any other big decision to make regarding your children, you need to do your homework and this IS a big decision. The pre-school teacher had many years’ experience, she had three daughters of her own who were in high school or college at the time so she wasn’t coming out of nowhere on this one. I called my Mom and Mother-in-law after talking it over with the Hubby. Parents/grandparents are a good sounding board, they have been there, they love your children and they will be honest. We decided to do some more research I talked to a few friends who had older children in the school district and that was a good source of current information. Without the internet at that point, doing research required phone calls, footwork and talking it over with our family doctor.
I looked at the children in the class. The trend seemed to be ‘hold them back,’ if they had a fall birthday and especially if they were boys, as boys mature late than girls. There were five boys in the class who had spring birthdays and their parents were waiting a year to start them. If that was the trend overall in the district there could possibly be kids in her class, her peers, that could be a year and a half older than her, competing for sports, grades and places in college. Back then, thirty yeas ago, kindergarten was half day. Our child would be going from three half days of preschool to five half days of kindergarten. Not a big transition. That was a point I kept going back to back then (However, had we been making the decision today, for a child to go from three half days of pre-school to five whole days a week of kindergarten, as now kindergarten is all day across the board, that could be a big jump for a child). This really WAS a big decision.
Michigan has a cut off of December 1. That is the date that your child has to be age five by in order to start school that year. I made calls to other districts in the state and surrounding states to get a handle on the trend. The issue really wasn’t ’was our child ready to start school,’ it was more that parents were looking ahead into the years of maturity down the road. This decision could give them an extra year before facing high school, drivers’ training, dating and going away to college. To make the point that it gave them another year to log making decisions was one to seriously consider.
The question I had begun with was “Do we really need to do what everyone else is doing if we feel our child is ready?” I don’t like the idea of following the tread or doing what everyone else is doing for the sake of doing what everyone else is doing. However, in this case, maybe it was something to consider since my child would be competing with these kids, we didn’t want her to be at a disadvantage.
When to start kindergarten and begin your child’s formal education journey is the first of many big decisions when it comes to raising your child. Like we did all those years ago, as we faced the first big decisions for our first child, you too will do your ‘homework’, listen to the teacher’s thoughts, talk to the experts, observe your child and you will make the best decision for them, as YOU know your child better than anyone else. You do and let no one tell you other wise. Don’t ever forget that. The parents are a child’s first teacher, they spend more time with their child and they have a vested interest. You made the decisions for your child and go from there. Don’t look back, don’t second guess your decision. However, make your decisions with the understanding that “You are making the best decision right now, with the information you have.” Realize that down the road, if you have more information or if the circumstances change, you will alter your plans as needed be, all in the best interest of the child and your family.
Sometimes we vacillate back and forth on our decisions and it’s sometimes we put off making decisions. Have you ever heard the saying, “analysis is paralysis” ? Don’t do that to yourself, or teach your child to do that!! Do your research, make your observations and make a decision. Go with it and should you need to make a change, you will and you will do your homework, change your path and move on. That’s it. This philosophy is a good one to take through life and to teach your child. Some people put off decisions they know they need to make. To NOT make a decision, is making a decision. Taking on the tough decisions takes courage. Don’t shy away from making tough decisions our of fear of making the wrong decision.
There will be this decision on when to start your child in school, there will be what summer camp to send your child to, which dances studio to sign up with, which sport to play, which college to attend and on and on. As your children get older and when it is age appropriate, include your child in on the decisions. You are teaching them how you about making choices, especially the big ones (life is about choices). When they come to you with decision to make, go over the strategy with them and let them make them. When they do, repeat back to them what they are saying and commend them on making decisions. Reinforce to them that they are making the best decision at the time with the information they have and that at a later time, when more information is available, they may have to change their decision. That’s fair. You are instilling in them the confidence to make decisions, one decision at a time.
Early on and when children are young, YOU make the decisions. As they get older, you will include them and eventually, you will be turning over the reigns for them to manage their own lives as adults. When they are teenagers you’ll be making the important decisions together, as time moves on, you’ll be more of a coach, calling out plays from the sidelines, as necessary, yet working as a team. You want your kids, as they get older and become adults, to include you as one of the important people they consider when they make the big decisions in life. We told our kids when they have big decisions to make, talk to three people who only have your best interest in mind. Get their thoughts, consider all the information on the table, weigh it all and they YOU make the decision. All part of good problem solving.
There you 7go. Hoping this is a piece of the information and strategy to help you and your children have many great days ahead 🍎
