In looking back at this last ordinary week in my life (saying ‘ordinary’ because no one in my family or close group of friends got hurt and myself and my husband went about our week as scheduled), there were several times when I said to myself after reading or seeing a crazy story, “something has to stop.” Whether it was a story about some people threatening to steal from Walmart if they don’t get their EBT benefits November 1, someone bad talking the other side of the political aisle (and it goes both ways we all know), a horrendous crime, like the story of the guy who woke up from a coma after a bad car accident he was in with his girlfriend and when he woke up he told doctors that she had told him before the crash that she was going to crash the car. Apparently, Daniel Waterman was a passenger at the time when his girlfriend, Leigh’s Mumby was driving along an expressway in Flagler County, Florida in February. He suffered very serious injuries and eventually died just a few weeks ago in October. His mother told news outlets that he was in a coma for a time before waking and recovering enough to tell investigators what happened in the moments before the crash. Authorities say that he told them from his hospital bed that Mumby had intentionally caused the crash after she allegedly said, “I don’t care what happens, you’ll get what you deserve.” The girlfriend was arrested in July for reckless driving causing serious bodily harm with a deadly weapon. She pleaded not guilty. Since the hospital statement, her charges have been upgraded to vehicular homicide, with officers saying that “this was no accident.” This is one of the many crazy vicious crimes we read about weekly…And then there are the crimes being investigated by the new administration, like the juveniles charged with the murder of a capital intern…Something has to stop…
A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I was reading a book on Marriage called, Get Married by University of Virginia sociology professor, Brad Wilcox. Brad is not the only observer to make commentary about the decline in the institute of marriage since the sexual revolution of the late sixties and the myriad of problems that followed. In fact, back when I was a student at the University of Michigan in the early eighties, a professor of mine from the School of Education stated that his opinion was that one of the biggest stories that my generation would see our country suffer would be that of the breakdown of the American family and the absence of the father in a large number of families. It was one of those statements that hit me at the time and hit me enough that all these years later, I still remember it and saw the effects of when I was a young teacher in the Flint Community Schools and in our society since then. Yes, I would have to agree with the professor, whose name slips my mind and was reminded of that statement as I read the opening of Professor Wilcox’s book.
Of course, a dad in the home does not guarantee that a child will grow up to NOT become a person that commits crimes, neither does a single mom raising a family guarantee that one of her children will become a criminal but the numbers show that the percentage of people in prisons grew up in homes with no father. A mom can do a fine job raising kids on her own, I have seen it and likewise, I have seen homes with two parents do a horrible job teaching kids to be responsible and accountable. Raising kids is hard work and can be stressful in the best of circumstances, both for a child to grow up is a home with two parents or a parent and grandparents who are available to help a single parent out. Raising kids is exhausting, period.
In Brad Wilcox book about marriage (paraphrasing here), he recounts that the increase in the breakdown of the marriage began in the late 60s with the women’s literation movement and the sexual revolution. Marriage seemed to become less valuable. California and many states followed with a no fault divorce policy, making it very easy for people to get divorced. An increase in social programs to help single mothers sent a message to dads that they didn’t need to stick around to fulfill their responsibilities as a father since the government would step in. Of course these program were intended for good as a mom left with children to raise on her own would greatly benefit from governmental help to meet the needs of a family. I remember a conversation once with a physician we met at a party who grew up on government welfare, graduating from high school in the late seventies where he told me that in his opinion many governmental programs hurt the low income population, taking away the responsibility from the poor males in this country, confirming my statement earlier. He said that it is just too easy to get help. Likewise, a video of Charlie Kirk where he spoke of the great and awesome responsibility of a man to be a father. In speaking from his own experience as a young dad of two, he told of the joy that a father feels when that baby is handed to him to protect, provide and care for his family and in his observations it makes one want to step up to the plate to “Be The Man.”
Back to the late sixties. Professor Wilcox draws on his childhood growing up without a father who died when he was a small child. He said that he faired ok because there were men in the community who he could count on to get that experience of a father, like his friend’s dad who had his own business and he treasured the times he was able to go camping with his friend and his dad and hear about his role as a small business owner. Wilcox says that if you grow up as a child in a single parent home, you hope that you live in a community with other two parent homes as those dad’s are around to set a good example for those children who lack that in their family, he faired ok because those men were in their community. For those communities where the fatherless homes are the norm, those children have it tougher because there aren’t an abundance of male role models. As the numbers of single parent homes have grown over the years, we have seen the increase of crime, use of anti-depressants, school shootings teenage pregnancies, unsafe communities and on and on.
Interestingly, it is not the higher income people who see the higher increase in the divorce rate and single parent homes, it is the low income that suffers the most. (Divorce in the higher income population isn’t as detrimental because these people are more likely to get the resources their children need and they have a higher income and may not suffer as much as a lower income family). The higher the income level and more educated, know the benefits of a two parent homes. Two parent homes are likely to have a greater income than a single parent home, they are more likely to be educated and they are more likely to stay together for all of the benefits such as the welfare of the children and the stability it creates. They also know the benefits to a society. As William Cook, Michigan Law School alumi and big donor to the university had inscribed on the mantel at the Martha Cook Building residence for young women, “Home is the Nation’s Safety,”. I have written about this before. From the beginning of time, home and the family have been the corner stone of society. Even in Ancient Greek and Roman times, the family and role of the parents was valued. A man took care of his wife and children, he may have had a mistress on the side, but he upheld his responsibility to his wife and children as it was the family that was a child’s security blanket. If a parent failed to teach their child right from wrong an entire community or society suffered and really still does. Look around.
We all have observed and read about the breakdown of the family, this all is nothing new to any of us. And yes, the more educated and higher income populations knows this. Here’s the problem, how does the message get communicated to the less educated and lower income Demographic? I know as part of some high school curriculums, there was included a course on life issues. At Grand Blanc High School in the seventies it was called, “Life Adjustment.” Most likely, this class has been replaced with courses in computer skills or physical education. If this class was part of a school curriculum, it would be an appropriate place for instruction on parenting, the importance of the family and possibly the significance of selecting a good spouse. Many schools may not allow such a curriculum. A church high school “Sunday School” or Youth program would be a place that might teach such material so unless a child learns this information in the home, or from attending church, they may not receive these important lessons. These are some of the most important lessons kids need to learn heading into adulthood. In my perfect “Young Adult Curriculum” Brad Wilcox book on marriage would be required reading. Here’s why. Every young adult may not aspire to live a married life with children. However, Wilcox presents the benefits of a life of marriage not only for children but for the parents as well, such as people who are married live longer lives on average, are happier, have a greater income among other benefits. A young adult may not want to get married, yet for them to know the benefits of marriage or hear about the criteria that would make for a good spouse (or make them a good spouse) is just more knowledge for them in deciding how they wish to create an adult life for themself. Charlie Kirk spoke of the high rate of women into their thirties unmarried. Some by choice or building their own careers and some because they have ‘missed the boat’ on the time frame when they would be more likely meet a spouse. Again, people may not want to live their life as a married person or a parent, but for them to hear the benefits or basic parenting skills gives them information and information means choices.
Wrapping up, many of the problems we see right now, come down to the breakdown of the family. The high crime rates, juveniles committing serious crimes, too much screen time, kids introduced to social media too early/too much, school violence, decreasing academic test scores across the board, loneliness, depression, bad behavior or lazy behavior can be linked to the breakdown of the American family. Finding a way for young people to get the knowledge to avoid this, for me would be a great day. Now, just to figure out a way to do this…HUM…Wishing you a restful weekend ❤️
