The day your child is born and the baby is set on your chest…The moment your husband walked your daughter down the aisle…The first time you saw the Rockies in person…The time you saw a moment with a friend that you just new would be something they (and you) would recall for the rest of their life…The details of the moment you met the love of your life, from what you were wearing, what they were wearing and how that first conversation went…The memory of watching a loved one slip away…The moment you saw grief on a close friend’s face as they walked down the aisle of a church to bury their spouse…The moment you found out that you would be parents after years of hoping for a child…The feeling when you saw a site when traveling that you knew you would never forget and a photo could never do it justice…The picture you have in your mind from a child’s victory playing a sport when they played beyond their ability and they knew in was not to be forgotten…
Wednesday as news broke of the shooting of two National Guard troops in Washington D.C., I tried to picture what must be going on in the parents of the young man and woman shot. At the time, we did not know their condition, but it sounded serious, and I pictured them on their way from their homes to a hospital to see them. Trying to put myself in their shoes, I wondered if they would be thinking of the last time they saw them before they departed for this assignment, maybe the day they enlisted, the high school graduation, the conversations about enlisting, the firsts, like the first day of kindergarten, the first tooth lost or the day of their birth. I thought of these two and their families at their bedsides yesterday as we all celebrated Thanksgiving, they were hoping and praying their child and sibling would hang on to life. When the President announced late in the day that the young woman, Sarah Beckstrom, age 20, had summoned from her injuries in the shooting, the loss her family must feel hit me. Andrew Wolfe, age 24, the other guardsman shot was still critical with his family and many of us still praying for him to survive. What a jolt to these two families who most likely never saw this coming, especially heading into the Thanksgiving weekend, they are young, probably very healthy and with D.C. recently becoming more safe than in the past, they may have felt that their kids were not necessarily in a danger zone any longer, that was picture in my mind from recent news. Just tragic. Think about the moments in life that are embedded into the hard drive of our mind and being, both sad and happy…
The two National Guardsmen who were shot on Wednesday, both from West Virginia, Sarah Beckstrom, age 20 and Andrew Wolfe, age 24. Sarah died late yesterday from her injuries and Andrew is still in critical condition.
These moments can be a sort of magic and they stir up deep emotions both somber and joyous. One might think, “Well, why would I want to bring back a sad memory that would bring me down?” The answer to that is clear to me; without the valleys in life, would the “summits” be all that great and would they stand out? AND, would your life become just ’ho hum’, if everyday was rainbows and unicorns? I like Ina Garten’s Beatty’s Chocolate Cake. It is well worth the effort and time to make from scratch and when you sit down for a sliver, it’s scrumptious. It’s so good that if I make it for just us and know it won’t all be eaten in a few days, it’s sliced and fropen very carefully to be enjoyed at a later date so that not a morsel goes to waste, it’s that good. However, if my life was a diet of only goodies like Beatty’s Chocolate Cake, I might not enjoy the exceptionality of it. One might just yearn for a glass of green juice, beets, cod liver oil or turnips…
The hardships and customary days in life make for our senses being aware of the apexes in life. These monumental and catastrophic moments are not only apparent by seasoned adults who have weathered storms of life and peaks, but by the young and young adults. I recall when our daughter and first born got married, one of our younger sons said to me as we drove to the church, on that sunny June Sunday, “Mom, this feels like a double Christmas.” I know that’s not a real expression, but I knew exactly what he meant. It was one of those high points in the life of a family. The entire rest of the day, it was apparent to me that he knew it. When looking back on those photos, the smile and expressions on his face tell the story of him recognizing that this moment was significant and unforgettable. (Six years later, he had a similar look on his face the day he got married)…Another moment clear in my mind on that day was captured in a photo taken by the professional photographer. It was in the photo of my husband walking our daughter down the aisle, the angle of the photo included a Chief Friend of ours and he and Brad‘s eyes meet. The friend’s face tells the phrase, ”I am so happy to see you, experience this once in a life time moment with your daughter”…
Other moments that stick in my mind are being there when you know that a Chief Friend has just possibly (most likely) met the love of her life. You just know it is a timing thing, had you not gone to that place, had she not had that chance meeting, that led to directions written on a napkin, to take a train, then switch line only to disembark on a very uniquely small and vintage train station that was reminiscent of something out of World War II. This year, they celebrated their thirty-eighth wedding anniversary and they are still very loving and respectful towards one another...
Lastly, there are the hardships in life that either make us or break us. The death of a parent, spouse or child can take the life from us. Of the three, the death of a parent must be hard, but not nearly as hard as that of loosing a spouse or a child. We expect that we will outlive our parents. We know that when we get married, there is a 50% chance that our spouse will pre-decease us, but still it’s our best friend, soul mate and person who knows us better than anyone, sometimes better than we know ourselves. Yet, to loose a child must be the absolute hardest blow to endure. The feeling that maybe you could have prevented it, but maybe and most likely you couldn’t have prevented an accident or an unexpected and unusual illness. Most every parent I know, loves their child even more than their own life and would gladly give their life for their child to live. These moments of loss don’t leave us and can create a hole in our heart that doesn’t heal, no matter how strong our faith. We remember the moments in the hospital, the ambulance, the hospital staff who helped us and who delivered the news. We remember the last rites and prayers of the priest. These moments though hard and tragic to endure mean that we had such love in our heart for these dear ones. I recall the priest who was there with our family in the ICU and the tears that ran down his face as he was there to comfort and witness the hardest moment for our family. His tears told me that this never gets old to him and he understands the grief a family goes through. It made me even more respectful of the work and role Father Matthew he plays in his parishioners lives…
The moments that stir our emotions make us human. They may weather us and make us more wise, but they also make us more compassionate for others who later experience these milestones both happy and sad in our lives. They give us an opportunity to be there for other to smile for them and dance with them at their child’s wedding, glad to be part of their celebrations and rejoice. Likewise, it can inspire us to be there for the friend who you witness experiencing the heavy burden of loosing their spouse at a young age. I saw the weight on their entire frame as the tears rolled down his face and ours. That moment prompted phone calls, dinners and conversations with the three of us, many times just listening and reminiscing, most importantly being a good listener and being available for our dear and longtime friend. Interestingly, the vacations and fun times remembered brought comfort and at times laughs, all part of the healing of moving forward…
In order to have these special moments that we never forget, we need to be cognizant. One cannot go through life with blinders on, only concerned about themself. One needs to be aware of those around them and their needs. For example, if one goes to a funeral but doesn’t check in with that person occasionally, they are not there to be of support or have the opportunity to be there for someone when they really could use a friend or listening ear. Of course, this isn’t why we help, we do it because it’s helping our fellow man, but in turn we receivethe warm feeling of knowing we made someone’s day a little brighter and a little lighter to know that they are not alone to experience this hardship..Leading to greater days and more memories to picture in our minds ❤️
