Earlier this week, I heard Bobby Darin’s hit song from the early sixties, MORE. The song was written by Ruiz Ortolani and Nino Oliverio, produced by Creed Taylor and the original song was the title song of the movie, Mondo Cane. Although others have recorded the song, from Katyna Ranieri to Andy Williams, to Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darin’s is most likely the most popular. Bobby Darin has a short, but very successful career. He died at the age of thirty-seven, due to complications following open heart surgery.
Bobby Darin was born in New York City in 1936 as Walden Robert Cassotto. He went to the prestigious Bronx High School of Science, where he was very involved in music, learning to play several instruments, in addition to learning to write music as well. After a short stint at Hunter College, he decided to take on the entertainment industry hoping to pursue a career as a singer, performer on Broadway and maybe even a venture out to Hollywood. His career took off and Bobby Darin became one of the most sought after singers and actors of his time. Connie Francis, a young female starlet at the time caught his eye and the two fell in love. He father forbid her from seeing him and at one point brought a gun to a rehearsal to threaten Bobby. Respecting her father’s wishes, they ended the relationship, however, they continued writing letters to one another. Connie later said in her biography that one of the biggest mistakes of her life was not marrying Bobby Darin. The actor later met another blond actress and star of her time, Sandra Dee. They married and had a son, Dodd. In his thirties, Bobby’s mother told him the truth of his birth, that he was actually the grandson on his “mother” and that who he thought was his “older sister” (older by eighteen years), was actually his mother. The news was devastating and had a strong impact on him for the rest of his life. Having been born with a weak heart, he struggled health wise, throughout his life. It wasn’t a complete surprise that he didn’t survive open heart surgery recovery. Knowing he had a chance of not making it through open heart surgery, he had made arrangements for his remains to be turned over for learning purposes. How sad for his only son to mis out on growing up without his father…
Bobby Darin lived in a very unique time in history. In the years following World War II, America was thriving. The economy was good, the average family could allow for a mother to stay at home to raise children and life was good for many in America. Families went to church, everyone looked out for everyone else’s kids in the neighborhood and kids could go out and play in the neighborhood without fear of someone snatching their child. People dressed well and respected dress codes. If a club required a man to wear a jacket and tie, the dress code was followed. Families sat down to dinner together and most likely a prayer was said before dinner. Children were taught manners in the home and the same behavior was expected at church, school and everywhere else you went. Manners and Rules can be a good thing. They can keep us behaving and they can keep us safe. Consider what driving would be like without traffic rules? Most likely, fatalities would increase. Some feel that rules and manners are oppressive or harsh. Possibly Bobby Darin’s mother and grandmother felt the pressure of a teenage pregnancy, without a father in the picture (or grandfather who died in prison months before Bobby’s birth), was best hidden and kept secret, raising him in the family the way he was, told that his grandmother was his actual mother. This often happened in these situations. Legend guitarist, Eric Clapton was raised under similar circumstances. It’s sometimes hard to examine these social situations of the past through the lens of a future time. As devastating as Eric Clapton, Bobby Darin and others must have felt to have discovered how they came into this world and where they fit in, I truly believe that most all humans, try to make the best decisions for those they love, with the least amount of harm, something I say not having lived in either of these spots but having empathy for both.
On two occasions this week, I witnessed first hand, people not respecting rules and manners. Really, it’s none of my business, these people didn’t personally harm me, these are just observations. On one occasion a family treating their adult children to a fancy dinner out and the adult children wore ripped up, overly casual jeans and undershirts with no jacket, tie or even a collard shirt. On the other occasion, we were in a stylish bar and a young woman with a date, probably early thirties, sat in a nice comfortable bar chair with her bare feet resting in the chair across from her as she watched the band, sipping on a fancy mixed drink. I noticed it, asked my husband if I was out of line to think she was out of line, he looked and she seemed to know we were noticing her and she just smiled as if to say “so what are you going to do about it?” When I noticed these situations, it’s surprising to me that people conducts themselves with such disrespect for others. The adult children being treated to a special dinner are not only disrespecting their parents who are taking them out, but those in the nice restaurant who dressed up, respecting the dress code and hoped for a pleasant experience. I asked the head waiter if they enforced the dress code and he very politely answered me in his strong Polish accent, in his formal attire, “Madame, we do have a dress code and sometimes, how we say, don’t want to make a fight or scene, so we say nothing, and believe me it bothers me for the other guests. I am so sorry.” in regards to the young woman with her feet in the nice leather chair, what about for the respect for the person who owns the restaurant or the people who will sit in the chair her feet were in afterwards? What about the disrespect towards the other guests who dressed for the nice experience at the restaurant?
When people don’t follow the rules or practice manners for no other reason than to just ‘buck the system,’ in addition to showing disrespect, it’s a poor reflection on them as a person. In talking to an acquaintance this week about this subject, who is a retired psychoanalyst, her observations on people who disrespect rules and others is that sometimes, these people have unresolved anger issues or have a need to control a situation. She said that she has seen in her practice, people who act out in this way because it is their way of having control. The anger they may feel prevents them from wanting to show respect for others. I described to her a situation when we were in a group where there was a photo being taken and everyone was asked to wear a give t-shirt that everyone had and a few in the group went out of their way to no only not wear the given t-shirt but to wear opposite colors. Those individuals had no respect for the person making the request or all of those who wore the correct attire for the photo THEY were paying for-they had also purchased the t-shirts and provided a nice event. In listening to Lynn’s professional perspective, I’d have to say that she nailed it with this event.
Manners & rules are there for our benefit and the same could be said with law and order. All you have to do is take a look around, wherever you are, whatever you do and you may have the same observation. Imagine Disney World with no rules. Imagine an airport or train station with no rules. Imagine a life with no bedtime, no manners or rules. A time when criminals run free and citizens are free to take what they wish from whom ever they wish. It’s rather scary if I think about it too much. Whether it’s the rules of the Ten Commandments in The Bible, Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life, laws set up by a city/state/country or the rules of respect in an apartment building /neighborhood or in a household, rules and manners are there for the good of all. Some say that “Rules are Meant to Be Broken,” while others feel that rules and laws are there for our benefit and well being. We have free will to treat rules and manners with the amount of respect we wish to and we also must accept the consequences whether we follow or decide not to follow them. As a friend of mine would tell her children growing up, “When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequence.” Wishing for a time when MORE people realized that. Who knows, that attitude could possible lead to MORE…Great Days ❤️
