Much has been said about the negatives of too much screen time and technology and kids; as in too much access to social media, phones in schools and phones and other tech charger in a child’s bedroom at night. British actor and father, Hugh Grant filmed an Instagram post earlier this year on his concern for his and all children’s well being due to the effects of too much technology. Often, my feeling has been, “The age of tech is here, it’s not going away, it can be used for the good, just monitor it as a parent and don’t let it get out of hand.” However, more and more I see it harming too many children. Here’s what I see:
Kids who appear to have less social skills than other generation. Where as my generation had to pick up a phone and call friends to get together, it now can be a typed text. Kids don’t have to call a home phone, say, “Hello Mrs. Rodgers, it’s Kevin, is Tommy home?” Which could spur on a little conversation before talking to Tommy. Today, with kids having cell phones, parents have less knowledge as to who their children are communicating with. It might not just be their friend Tommy who is calling but people you are unaware of who have seen your child on social media.
Phones in schools. I see two sides of this issue. Of course, the phone can be a complete distraction to a child. They can ask for permission to use the restroom and take that time to scroll on their phone, distracting them when they go back to class-‘well I saw that my boyfriend was talking to sos an so and now I’m focused on that and not the biology lesson.’Phones can be used during class if the teacher doesn’t collect them or have a rule of no phone use during class, a legitimate concern. However, I also see it as a parent, a safety issue. What if there is an emergency at school, a shooting-which unfortunately we have seen way too often? It may mean that a child can notify 911 or contact a parent if necessary, depending on the circumstance.
Kids have access to just too much information. When my generation was in high school, if someone’s boyfriend broke up with them, you didn’t have access to what they were doing outside of school. Now, kids post photos and a kid could see their former boyfriend or girlfriend out having fun with someone else, which could cause some anxiety. Or kids seeing photos of other kids get together where they weren’t invited. WE JUST DIDN’T SEE ALL THIS STUFF. It was out of site out of mind. Some kids can handle this and some kids can’t. We also have seen how bullying on social media or someone being embarrassed on social media by photos being posted that shouldn’t be posted. It is so much easier for someone to hide behind a screen and say offensive things. And again, parents aren’t always aware of what is going on or how their kids are being hurt, insulted or being the aggressor, so they are in the dark as to how they can help.
Actual physical safety can be impacted by the overuse of technology. By this I mean, allowing the phone to be more of a focus than a person’s surroundings. How many times have you seen a person walking down a sidewalk, so into their phone that they are not aware of what’s going on around them. I thought of this as I saw the video of the young Ukrainian woman on the Charlotte subway just before she was attacked recently. SHE ABSOLUTELY DID NOT DESERVE TO BE ATTACKED BECAUSE SHE WAS ON HER PHONE and she should not have had to live in fear, but that is what we are faced with today. Kids-and really everyone-should at all times be most concerned with their safety first.
These are just a few of the issues that come to mind. Earlier this week, I was speaking to a father of a high school young man about this issue. So what’s the solution? I don’t know if there IS a solution. It is what it is. But how to possibly diffuse the negative effects of technology? I have a few thoughts. Spend time as a family, engage with your kids as much as possible. Unfortunately, many people use the technology as a babysitter. if the kids have people to talk to they may not look to the phone and tech for company. Don’t let the phone charge in the child’s room. Get an alarm clock for them. Be firm in this conviction. They NEED their sleep. If they are constantly checking their phone they may see or read something that will keep them up at night resulting in poor performance in school and eventually affecting their health. Everyone needs a good night’s sleep to function properly and for optimal health. Get your kids interested in things that matter. A faith youth group at your church, synagogue or a non-denominational program like Young Life. When I was in high school this was very popular. We met once a week at someone’s home, there were summer camps and weekend trips here and there. These were supervised activities with caring and qualified adults. Sports, clubs and creative activities can give kids a fun outlet and opportunities to be with other kids their age with common interests and can involve working towards a goal, a winning season, a performance or competition like Quiz Bowl, Debate Team or Robotics can give kids a chance to be more involved at school in addition to academics. This can give kids self esteem and the feeling of a team/group leading to a broader group of friends. When kids are engaged in these activities they are not sitting around on their phone. Lastly, you can get your kids interested in topics to learn about. This week, I have found fascinating the young Catholic Saint Carlo Acutis, the patron Saint of Youth who just installed this week by the new Pope. Carlo used the internet and social media to spread his faith. He died at the age of fifteen from leukemia. There are so many topics of interest. Yes, your child will be using the internet to do this research and you can use these opportunities to teach them how to use the technology for good. These topics can be subjects for dinner time conversation, maybe even leading to more reading and inspiring others around the dinner table.
Bottom line, as a parent or grandparent, be engaged and aware. Talk often and listen. Jump in when you need to. The more engaged you are, the more you will pick up clues if there is a problem. TRUST your instincts. You are their parent/grandparent and first and most important teacher in your child’s life. My prediction is that this will lead to many Great Days 🍎
