Just off the Thanksgiving weekend, we are officially into the Christmas season. It’s been fun to catch up with friends and family and hear about their celebrations and gatherings and those to come in the next few weeks or so. This week, rather than a recipe, let’s talk “Gatherings.” Let’s cover some unwritten rules, etiquette and idea that come up when you get people together to celebrate. Of course nothing is set in stone and these are just thoughts that have come up over the years that may be on your mind too. Here we go…
When asked to bring a dish or something for a get together be mindful of the hostess/he and the event. Remember, she/he is arranging the event, hosting and may even be preparing some or most of the dishes. Take their lead. If they ask you to bring sweet potatoes, ask them if they have something special in mind. For example, I was asked to bring sweet potatoes. I did ask, as I could have brought mashed sweet potatoes or a sweet potato side dish. The hostess left it up to me, so I brought the sweet potato side dish (recipe here on my website). Now if the hostess had been anticipating mashed sweet potatoes, she may have been disappointed had I brought the other. Ask and take it from there and go with what THEY want, remembering that it is THEIR gathering.
On the same topic, bring dish ready to eat. Do not bring it ready to bake or cook. The hostess/host may be using oven space to prepare their dishes or keep something warmed or finish up the main entree’. They are finishing up the meal or bustling in the kitchen and they don’t need another cook in the kitchen-remember the saying “You don’t need too many cooks in the kitchen?” ABSOLUTELY. EVERYONE takes leads from the host/hostess. I have seen people bring all the ingredients of a salad to assemble, and something to toast for the salad and ask the hostess for a saute’ pan to do that, while the hostess was finishing up. NO!
Still on that topic, I like to bring the serving utensil, whether it is tongs or a large serving spoon. This means that you or the hostess is not shuffling through drawers, a dishwasher or utensil container nest to the stove for something or discovering that they can’t find one. Lastly on this subject, I was somewhere where the hostess said following the dinner, I’ll take some leftovers (others can do the same) to have on hand and will cover everyone’s dish with foil, place in the laundry room or garage-it’s cold out there and acts like a fridge in northern climates this time of year. Great idea. Time is not spent transferring food to dishes, or washing large serving bowls. Everyone can take their dish home,they have leftovers and then everyone cleans their own serving dish. I hadn’t thought of this but it’s a great idea, especially if you are talking about large gathering with many sides, salads, desserts. What a time saver. Bottom line, let the hostess/host be in charge, this is there even and their moment and do any thing you can do to make their job easier and don’t boggle them down once you know what you are bringing…
Next, we had several neighbors over last summer. I made a Bolognese sauce with pasta, served grilled chicken, grilled asparagus, I think dessert was chocolate chip cookies, I WANTED to do it all and was glad to. After dessert, one of the gals said to me, “Mary Yana, you did the meal, we’ll all clean up so there is very little for you to do when we leave.” THEY DID! Wow, did they. Pots and pans cleaned and put away, linens in the wash dishwasher packed full (they washed by hands all items that did not fit in dishwasher)and on, chairs folded, Sharon was not kidding. All I had to do was empty dishwasher, transfer linens, fold and put away. Not bad for a dinner party for 28 people. Lesson for me, do that when you are invited and when your guests offer, (as Mel Robbin’s would say) Let Them. Thanks to Sharon and the rest of our neighbors-we need to do that again in 2026…
Moving on, do what you can to make your gathering manageable for YOU as the hostess or host. Everyone is different here. A good friend of mine ordered a turkey already cooked and picked it up the day before. The turkey was warmed at her house the day of and it was delicious. Yes, cooking a turkey is one of the easiest entrees’ to prepare but it takes oven space, getting up early to put on to cook, hope that the little red things pops up to tell you it’s done and you have the roaster or pan to clean afterwards. I don’t mind it, but I certainly see the benefit in buying it already cooked, not a bad idea. I cover this more extensively in my book but you get the idea. Do what you need to, to take any stress off. The whole point is to gather your people, food is secondary. RIGHT? that’s the point of my book.
In closing, you can be obsessive about the meal, the decorating, etc. If this is your thing and you like to cook and it’s not stressful for you, do what you want but don’t get so carried away that your guests feel uncomfortable. Realize that the carpet might get dirty, a dish may break or a drink might get spilled on your white couch. If these things are going to send you into orbit, don’t host. Dishes can be replaced, upholstery and carpet can be cleaned. If you are more comfortable with paper plates, do it. Clean up is a whole lot easier and there is more time for games or visiting. As a the hostess/host, “read the room.” If everyone is enjoying the drinks and snacks before dinner, maybe you let it go a little longer. If everyone ends up in one room and you have more areas for them to spread out, let your guest do it on their own. I once saw a hostess break up conversations to move people where she wanted them. It was so uncomfortable and when some guests got to where they were ushered, the conversations were interrupted and it was awkward. Let you guests manage themselves. The only caveat to this is if someone is intoxicated or behaving poorly or for safety purposes. Or, if the meal is ready and you are on a time schedule that needs to be adhered to, as in after the meal you are going somewhere or something similar.
How’s that? You may have some additional notes or ideas. Let me know. I’d love to share and add to my list on a future Marvelous Monday. Now, carry on with your week, kicking off the first week in December and the Christmas season-I can now say that as Thanksgiving is over…Remember…It’s a Great Day Friends ❤️
