Over the weekend, I talked to a mom with elementary school children, I asked her how the school year was and she told me that she was looking forward to the end of the school year because her daughter and other children in the class have been ‘short changed’ (my word not hers) because of the very poor behavior from a child in the class. I asked how bad could it be? To which her answer was, “well, yesterday, he spit on my daughter.” Apparently this has been going on since day one. The Mom asked the teacher during conferences about the situation and she was told that they are working on the situation. I inquired about the home situation as in, ‘is the child going through stress at home that could cause such outbursts? The Mom shared with me that most of the Moms came to the Mother’s Day celebration the Friday before Mother’s Day-“Michael’s Mom was a no-show and all parents showed up on the last day of school, except for “Michael’s” (not his real name). That said everything to me…
When I was teaching a 3/4 split at Doyle Ryder in Flint, Michigan (I had 9 fourth graders and 13 third grader), my class size was down at the beginning of the school year, so I got the over flow of children from the SafeHouse at the Y and children from Whaley Children’s Center. I was aware what SafeHouse was, it was a shelter for for women who were escaping harmful domestic circumstances. Women could stay at the shelter for a total of 2 weeks and they had an agreement with Doyle Ryder since they were the closest school, children were placed at Doyle Ryder for that time. Having. taught Middle School the year before and receiving my assignment just days before the school year, I didn’t know the purpose of the Whaley Center. Towards the end of the school year, (mid-April) a new student, a fourth grade boy, “Darrell”, was placed in my classroom from Whaley Children’s Center. For some reason, I was under the impression that he may have been there as a foster child situation. His advisor, Mr. Watts, brought him to my classroom, along with the school counselor. I was not told of the child’s circumstances, even though I inquired for some background information, all I was told was that he had just arrived at Whaley and would need some special attention. He was not special needs, but I was told that he had two older brothers. “Ok” I thought, I was used to getting overflow. It was not personal, when the teachers had done the placements the year before, they ended up with not enough kids for a full third and fourth grade, hence the split, and as I mentioned, with not a full class, I got these kids, so that school year, the year I was engaged to be married, I had my hands full with kids with poor behavior, little parental involvement and a revolving door of a few kids coming, leaving and then the special needs children had just started to be mainstreamed back thirty-eight years ago, so those children needed to be taught as well. My hands were quite full and so inquiring about Darrell was just one of many issues. “Fine, I’ll figure it out myself,” I thought.
As the kids were coming in from recess that first day Darrell arrived, I was finishing up some work at my desk, when I looked up and saw some commotion. I saw Darrell pick up a wooden chair and it looked like he was going the hurl it at an other student. I ran and the first thing I could do was push the child and a few others in the path of the chair out of the way, Darrell was further away so I was closer to the path of the chair rather than to Darrell, so I couldn’t grab the chair out of his hand. We had SSR following recess, Sustained Silent Reading, so I calmed down the class and pulled Darrell and the other boys that seemed to be involved aside to get to the bottom of the problem. He was a very disrespectful child and it was determined that he was the instigator. Wanting to handle the situation myself, I placed his desk next to mine, he needed to know from the get go that disrespectful and disruptive behavior would result in consequences. By the time reading was over, as were back to ground zero. The afternoon went ok but in the morning, Darrell had caused a commotion coming in to school with some kids in another class. I got him settled down after the confrontation and in the next few days, Darrell shared some of his information with me. I observed in him, a maturity that most nine-year old boys do not have at this age. His penmanship was beautiful, in fact better than some of my seventh grade students at the middle school the year before. I commented on his outstanding cursive writing. He told me that he wrote out his Mom’s checks because she couldn’t read or write very well. He told me that they had moved to Michigan when he was a very small child because “Momma could get more money in Michigan.” He pushed up his sleeves and I was shocked to see many round wounds/scars. Darrell proceeded to tell me that when he doesn’t do what Momma says, “she burns me with her cigarette.” At lunch time, I called Mr. Watts to talk to him as I felt that this child needed help. It was at that point that he shared with me the background of Darrell. He was at Whaley because he had set a fire at his apartment complex, he had been taken away from his mother. One older brother was at Maxey Boys Training School and another brother was at Jackson State Prison. This explained the behavior I had observed. Darrell would not be exempt from consequences in the classroom when he crossed the line, (like loosing his privilege to sit with peers when he threw the chair) but he would be treated with respect.
As the days went on, there were a few more outbursts so he continued to sit by me. He seemed to rather enjoy having an adult near him. It almost seemed to calm him. In mid-May, his mother had snatched him off the bus at school one morning and I never saw him again. Mr. Watts gave me a few updates, it was suspected that she had left the state with Darrell.
My point is, it is very easy and understandable to be frustrated when our children’s education or classroom experience is hijacked by a disruptive child. We want our children to be able to go to school, learn and have a good experience as many days as possible. It’s fair to inquire and expect a teacher, counselors and administrators to handle behavior so that the other children in the class can learn. Keep in mind though, as the parent of the other children in the class, that you just don’t know what some kids (or families) are dealing with at home. Parents have their hands full in the best of situations trying to make a living, care for their children take care of responsibilities around the house and when the problems of life happen, illness, extended family problems, aging parents, divorce, death, tragedies, etc., children feel the aftershocks of those ‘earthquakes’ in life.
As your children are involved in summertime activities and you see more of their day to day life in this season, teach compassion. Not that we need to succumb to others’ poor behavior, your child always can be removed from a bad situation, but understand that life happens and showing understanding and kind words can go along way. Observe and be aware as to what is going on in their activities so that you can react in their best behalf, step back when you need to, assessing how best to manage for as many great days as possible.
