*My words come from not a medical or psychology standpoint, but as a teacher, parent and grandparent.*
Over the last month, we have seen several very violent events in our country. Sometimes we watch these events on the tv or on social media, we feel sorry for those involved, say a prayer and we go on with our lives, hoping for mended hearts and rebuilding of communities. On Sunday morning, tragedy came to Grand Blanc Michigan at a church when the unimaginable happened, a crazed gunman drove into the back of the Church of the Latter Day Saints opened gunfire and set the church ablaze. It was a very short amount of time after the 911 call, before officers arrived on the scene to shoot down the perpetrator. Four were killed and eight were seriously injured at this place of worship that we drove by with our children on our way to Faith Lutheran, every Sunday morning on our way to Church, less than two miles away.
How can parents help their children through a tragedy like this? Start with listening to your child’s words and concerns. Don’t give more details than are required. If your children ask simple questions, respond with simple answers. A young child can only assimilate so much. Let your children know that you are there for them and will answer all of their questions, be available for that. Young children tend to ask more questions and older children tend to keep things inside. Check in with your older children asking “How are you doing? Do you have any questions?” Dinners as a family, being available at bedtime-for older children who may be on their own as they get ready for bed could be a time for questions to come out (more on bedtime later).
Try not to expose them to too visual of the event. This can be frightening for young children and could cause trouble sleeping at night or nightmares. Answer their questions and when it seems as if their question has been answered, go on to another subject so as not to overwhelm them.
If your children asks what your family could do to help, do some checking with your Church, school or neighborhood so see where help is needed. I have seen several Churches already have gatherings with their congregations to assess how they can offer assistance. This church will need to rebuild and will need the help of their community in addition to insurance and assistance from the LDS. Feeling as they are helping can give kids a sense of “there is something I CAN do,” which may help with the fear that a child can experience when this happens in their community.
Pray with your child for all affected by this tragedy. At meal times you can add those involved when you give thanks for your food. A very special time where this can happen also is at bedtime. As a parent, I found that at the end of the day, when a child has calmed down from the activities and responsibilities of the day, when there are less distractions, is a time they may be most transparent with their fear and concerns. Here is where you may hear their honest worries for their safety and wellbeing. Take time to listen to what is on their heart and mind. Don’t overload them with details at bedtime. This is a good time to reassure them of your love and concern for them. Let them know that their safety is one of your biggest concerns as their parent and that even though this has happened in your community, sometimes when these things happen it causes people to take more precautions to try to keep this from happening again. Pray with them and try to make them feel as secure as they can at bedtime so they can get a good night’s sleep. Stressful situations like this for a child can take a lot of energy out of them and if they get a good night’s sleep they will be better equipped for the days ahead. Observe their behavior and language as time goes on to see how they are doing. Let them know that they can check-in with you at anytime, for any reason.
Take this as an opportunity to spend more time as a family. During these times, you are making memories and strengthening your relationship as a family. Friday night football games, trips to an apple orchard or any other of the fun fall activities are events that can be a distraction from the tragedy and a way to enjoy the season at hand. When families are strong they are more apt to lean on one another when the tough times in life come about. You want your kids to come to you with their concerns whether it is the tragedy in your town, the high school romantic breakup or the ups and down in life that we experience. Life is filled with high and lows. When you embrace a tragedy with love and prayer as a family, you are teaching one of most important lessons in life, possibly leading to many more great days ahead 🍎
