I had something else planned for today, but after seeing the photo of the gunman in yesterday’s most recent public shooting, this time in New York City, here’s what came to mind. Look at this guy! And don’t just look at him, but look at the others in the photo. How many people did he pass on the street carrying this gun? He just looks too comfortable walking through town carrying a dangerous weapon that can and did kill and harm people.
This type of story came close to home for those in Michigan when a man with a knife entered a Walmart in Traverse City, Michigan. Far from the city life and thoughts of crime, northern Michigan is a summer paradise for a peaceful summer vacation. Violence just isn’t a word one would associate with UP NORTH, as Michiganders refer to this picture perfect place for time off in the summer. Fortunately, a Marine restrained the stabbing suspect until police officers arrived.
What is going on!? On one hand, there are individuals who feel compelled and quite comfortable unleashing their inner struggles and hatred on innocent bystanders who just happened to be in the way of their rage and on the other hand, some are just so caught up in life or on their phones that they don’t see crazy when it’s all around them until it’s too late. Had someone on the street seen the gun man with his weapon of choice late yesterday afternoon and called 911, maybe the 36 year old police officer, husband and father of 3 would still be alive today, and Frank Stiller of the Tunnel to Towers organization that pays off the mortgages of fallen police officers, service members and first responders would have had one less widow to call.
Life seems to be upside down. When crazy people contribute to a go fund me page for a killer of the CEO of United Healthcare and comment on how good looking a cold blooded killer is and a New York City Mayoral candidate talks and supports defunding the police in favor of social workers we have a problem.
Crime, violence and bad behavior harms us all and it doesn’t just happen, it originates somewhere. Someone saw trouble brewing with the Traverse City knife handler. Someone knew this former football player who acted in mid-town Manhattan yesterday and someone must have observed young man’s behavior long before he planned his killing of the husband and father of two, CEO last year. In all of these cases, and others “where were the parents?” Is usually at least one of the things we hear. But it could be the roommate, coworker, spouse, sibling or neighbor that noticed but didn’t say anything because either they didn’t want to get involved or they didn’t want to make unwarranted accusations against another person if they were maybe just reading too much into something, that I get, you don’t want to cause trouble if you are not exactly sure there is a problem. However, we all are called to this and we all should be looking out for one another and say something if we see something, The police officer killed yesterday and his family deserve that and that gunman and his family, they deserved that too. He must have been troubled, troubled enough to get a powerful gun to settle the score that he must have known would all end in finality for himself as well. He has a family too who will bear the hurt of his loss and his actions for the rest of their lives as well. It’s just loose/loose for all involved.
The cold blooded killer in Idaho who brutally ended the lives of four college students was sentenced to life in prison for his actions last week. Listening to the victims families’ statements last week was so sad. The four who were killed did nothing wrong and their families are left to suffer for a life time enduring the loss of their children and loved ones. One of the victims extended family member mentioned the killers’ family and how they too will suffer. Someone had to have known. A graduate student who had professors and classmates and a family. Did someone not see something that could have resulted in help or actions to have interrupted a corrupt mind from planning and taking such evil actions?
Hindsight IS 20/20, yet, was it that there were no signs or were there and others were either too caught up in their own lives or dismissed very odd behavior? I don’t know.
However, what I do know is that children who grow up with clear boundaries, discipline and love are much less likely to display such violence. If a child grows up with a faith and regularly attends synagogue, church or has family worship time, they are more likely to grown up and become a productive member of society who goes out into the world to do good. Parents need to be tuned into their children and have some type of barometer as to how they are doing emotionally. I can recall as a parent, just knowing when something was up with one of our kids. I could see it in their body language, their tone of voice or how they reacted to others. One of our kids even said to me when I took them out for some one one one time when I sensed this, “Mom, I really needed this time with you,” at about age fourteen. I just knew something was off. They didn’t react to their siblings as they usually did, they seemed short fused and that comment led into, from me, “what’s the problem?” And solving it started there, with an introduction. As your kids get older, you don’t spend as much time with them, I basically had breakfast where I prepared and talked from the other side of the island, then they went to school all day, practice afterwards, I had dinner time, then there was their homework time in their room and then the bedtime routine. But it was in the breakfast, dinner and saying goodnight at bedtime where I saw it. You need to be present and paying attention in those encounters when you do have them and zero in on ‘how are they doing?’ We will miss some things, I did. That’s why it’s so important to observe and ask questions, so that as much as possible YOU are the one they come to and the problems are addressed before they get out of hand. Sometimes, the issues kids face are not as nearly as big as they seem to them. You can help them find solutions. For a young person to know that they have your love time and support is huge. Remember, you are the parent NOT their friend. Kids need your wisdom and guidance.
Lastly, do lots of listening. Hear their concerns and assure them that you are there to help them. You are building a relationship for a life time that will lead to many Great Days 🍎
