For the last six years or so, every time May first rolls around, I start thinking about May 2018 when my dear friend Pam, lost her very short battle with cancer. Pam was sixty-two years old and a close friend for almost 25 years. She was one of those friends who just knew when she needed to be there, and she was not just there for me.. Of course she was there for her family, both her immediate and extended. When an aunt needed some help, Pam was on a plane or in the car. If it was her dad or one of her siblings, she was there too, to help out with doctor’s appointments, care after surgery or babysitting to help a sister with her three young children. She was there when her church needed help with meals for families who could use a little boost at a tough time or the local library where she was a frequent storyteller known as Mrs. Blue Shoes telling stories to pre-school children. Pam came to see me in the hospital after our third baby was born and she was also there for me when I was sick. In times of joy and happiness, Pam was there too celebrate in her loved ones and friends special occasions like weddings and parties and she enjoyed traveling with her family and friends to fun destinations. I would have to say that Pam made the most of her time on this earth and she was a very good steward of the time that she was given here…
My friend, Pam and in the second photo Pam, with myself and Jeanette. The three of us were close friends for years. Although I pray that she knows how much she is missed in my prayers, I think of her each May first as he birthday is in May and we celebrated every year and May is the month she passed away following Mother’s Day and her Birthday.
When we had our first home, I came across a prominent decorator in one of the popular homekeeping magazines at the time, I believe Redbook, who had a monthly column. Alexandra Stoddard was one of the premier New York City/East Coast decorators at the time. Although most of her clients were very high end, she herself lived very simply. In her monthly magazine installments, she gave decorating tips that were very applicable to anyone looking to make their home a place that allowed them to create both a place of function and beauty. The more I became familiar with Alexandra, the more information i wanted. I remember going to the library and checking out her books or requesting them if they weren’t there. And those books that I felt that I wanted to read over and over again I purchased from the local bookstore. The books were written with such detail and I remember Alexander staying saying that when she would meet with a client or clients she would pull out a box of colored pencils and she would ask them to select the pencils that they were most attracted to. That’s how she started most jobs, followed by an interview with all of the people who would be living in or working in the space she would be decorating. The decorator felt that each place need to work for everyone in the family or workspace who would be involved once the project was over.
Top left, Alexandra recently. Following some of her book and her with her husband, Peter Brown. They loved to travel to Paris and Bermuda when they weren’t in Stonington, CT or New York City.
Alexandra began her decorating career as a very young woman apprenticing with the famed decorator of her time, Eleanor McMillian Brown. She learned the ropes for Mrs. Brown and later went off on her own. After a divorce early in her marriage, she and her two young daughters lived in New York City in an apartment close to her work. I remembered one of her books talking about where she nurtured her creativity. She would rise every morning at 5 AM so that she had one hour to herself before she began preparing for her workday at 6 AM. During her 5-6 am time slot, Alexandra did things that inspired her (on the weekends she had additional time for this purpose). She might have read, exercised or spent time writing. In one of her books, she said that she felt that every adult needed about eleven hours a week to themself to do as they please for recreation for themselves. For her, as a single working Mom and then later when she married longtime family friend, Peter Megargee Brown, she still adhered to the eleven hours a week for personal growth. In her later years, she did less decorating and more inspirational writing and speaking engagements, penning 28 books on a variety of topics from The Gift of a Letter, Happiness for Two, Choosing Happiness, You Are Your Choices, Living a Beautiful Life. Alexandra and her husband enjoyed their life together prior to his death a few years back, traveling, spending time with grandchildren and puttering around their beautiful cottage in Stonington, Connecticut. Today, I receive Alexandra’s monthly inspirational Newsletter on the first of each month, keeping her very interested readers up on what she is doing. Having been a fan for so long, even writing to her, when my book came out, I sent her a copy with a letter of how she had inspired me over the years. About a week after Christmas the year my book came out, a handwritten letter from Alexandra arrived in the mail and she told me that she had enjoyed reading my book. I think I would have to say that Alexandra Stoddard, now eighty-three years old has been and is, a good steward of the time she has been given…
We all have our own formula of what constitutes time well spent, whether we have plotted or planned it out or not. Think about how you spend your time, the pattern of your days, your weeks, your weekends, your season and your year. Most people do seem to slip into a routine. We have our physical routine as in work, how we spend time with those we love, our work, our recreation and those aside from family we interact with. At different stages in our life our routines differ. As we move to another stage in our life, the routine may change, or should just as those we interact with. Our interests may change as we have more or less time, depending on our responsibilities and time we have to pursue them.
My observation over the years is that those people who realize that time is precious and fleeting seem to make the most of their time here. Not in the sense of ‘packing every bit of activity that they can in a day’, as some do on a vacation where they fill each day with one activity after another and get back home exhausted, but realizing that we all have ‘an invisible expiration date’ unofficially stamped on our forehead and that none of us knows or is promised a long healthy life. It means spending that time wisely, not squandering our time, but putting it to good use for ourselves and others, with our own formula based on what we value.
A family friend at the time, who is about ten years older than my husband and I, said about the time we were turning sixty, “ you want to make sure that you do all of your traveling to the places you want to see in your sixties when you’re most likely to have good health because once you hit seventy you just never know.” When we got home that evening, I reflected on the comment and I honestly had never thought of that before, but there was validity and what he said. Up until that point I hadn’t thought about 60 as a magic age in that respect. However, in looking back a year or so after that interaction, his comment was valid. However, really every year and birthday is a time to remember that time is of the essence, not just in the activities and things we hope to do, but in the life we hope to live and the impact we hope to make in the lives of those we love during our time on this earth.
I once heard a lecture or read a book about the “dash”, as in the dash on a tombstone or grave marker, between the date one is born and the day they die. The message was the dates are not as important as the dash, how we choose to spend the time we are given on this earth…A good question to ask ourself often to take inventory, “Are we being good stewards of the time we are given?” It could possible lead to many great days ❤️
