“Are you happy?”
“Be Happy!”
“Happy Monday!”
“Happy Hour”
“Happy Anniversary!”
“Happy Wife, Happy Life”
“Do you want to be Happy or do you want to be right?”
“Happiness is a warm puppy”
“I want to be happy”
“I want my kids to be happy”
“Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”
Mahatma Gandhi, an Indian lawyer and political ethicist once said, “Happiness is when one is in harmony with one’s thought words and actions.” Happiness seems to be on everyone’s mind at one time or another. People may ask themself, “Am I happy?” Or “What makes me happy?” Some take their whole life looking for happiness and a few things along the way may give them a quick fix, but they are constantly striving for it. Remember the children’s book, The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein,
where the main character, a little boy, who eventually grows into a man and from the beginning of the story, he is looking to the tree for happiness and once he gets it, he wants more and more. The tree gives and gives, until he can give not more. People may try to find it in a spouse, friends or their children, but unless they have happiness in their heart, their life will be a quest of the next person, event or trinket to ‘make them happy.’ I got to thinking about this over the week and thought it would be interesting to explore HAPPINESS…
When a little human enters the world, there is someone caring for them to meet their necessary needs such as safety, health, food, cleanliness, shelter and emotional security. That little infant’s wellbeing most certainly is the responsibility of the parents. Within the the first year of life, that baby learns to sleep through the night-hopefully, comfort themself, begin communication and they become somewhat mobile if not walking. From an early age, a parent will (or should) begin the long process of eventually training a child to care for themself to become a self-sufficient and self sustaining adult. Of course, the family will always be a very special part of one’s life but the goal is to eventually be able to create their own life of independence and happiness. Right? Every parent want to give their child what they need and more. There is a time to be the sole provider of the needs of a child, there is a transitionary period of time when you are teaching your child to start taking responsibility for their faith, behavior, their school work/education, their socialization, their work ethic, financial management, you are sort of like that ‘life coach’ your child needs and eventually, you turn over the reins to them.
If you have done your role as a parent, you deliver a responsible, well adjusted, productive and well behaved adult to society. Every responsible adult will know that THEY are responsible for their own happiness and that goes for parents too. A child cannot blame their parents for their lack of happiness. Haven’t we all heard more than one adult blame their parents for their problems. Not cool and not fair to blame a parent. Most every parent strives to do the best and most they can do for their child, so for an adult child to blame their parents is unacceptable. Likewise, a parent cannot expect their adult children to be responsible for their happiness. You’ve probably heard that too. The parents who make inappropriate comments to their adult children such as.
“When are you going to find a husband/wife and then make me a grandparent?”
“You don’t come over to see me enough.”
”You should come over for dinner every Sunday.”
Or complaining that you don’t get a daily phone call and or acting in a passive aggressive manor when the adult child does call. As a parent, one should understand their assignment and when the child becomes an adult, respect their autonomy as a grown up, a spouse or parent.
Every person is responsible for their own happiness, that is part of responsibilities we just take on. Just as one’s faith, employment, finances, health and well being, fall on them, same for happiness.
A few things that can contribute to one’s happiness in looking at factors from life coaches, therapists and experts who study happiness are one’s faith, healthy personal relationships, a supportive spouse, social interaction/activity, meaningful work, purpose, a quest for learning, good health and fitness. Although this may seem like a long checklist, if one starts assessing if these objectives are part of their life, they may just find that your own factors can check many of these boxes.
Many experts and doctors have seen firsts hand the benefits of a strong faith. A strong faith helps one realize their purpose and where they fit in the world. A faith can give someone a life manual as to how to conduct their own life and how to treat others. A usual by product of one having a faith is a faith community to be supportive and allow for social interaction and possibly meaningful relationships, maybe even a place to find a spouse with like minded views.
A supportive spouse can also contribute to a happy life. Many years ago, I recall a Monday evening episode of Tucker Carlson’s show, where he ended the show with telling the audience that he and his wife had travel to a co-worker’s wedding over the weekend, saying that, “If you want to make the world a better place, marry the right person.” I may be paraphrasing the exact words, but this was the point and ‘agreed’ by me. The right spouse is so important. The right spouse will be a team player and will pull their weight in every sense of the word. They will be responsible for their own happiness and be an equal partner in the happiness of the marriage. Of course there will be days when one of you has a hiccup in life and you need to be there for the other person and likewise. A good spouse will look for the best in you and trust that you are bringing the best you have in you everyday. They won’t say disparaging remarks behind your back and they will want to be with you every opportunity they have.
Ralph and Ricky Lauren, with their young family on the left, the two of them, center and a recent family of them with their children and their families.
In Ralph Lauren ‘s HBO documentary his wife, Ricky talks about how she wrote Ralph a letter when he turned down a very lucrative offer from Bloomingdale’s. It would have involved Ralph changing his signature wide tie that would require him to take HIS name off them to replace the tag with the Bloomingdale’s name. Ricky told Ralph that she believe in his vision and trusted him. The rest is history. The Ralph Lauren company that started in their apartment, with ties that were sewn by extended family by hand eventually grew into not just a clothing company and housewares line but a lifestyle brand as well. A good spouse and strong family can contribute to a happy life. As actress Jessica Chastain said in the documentary, paraphrasing here, “Ralph Lauren has lived a full like and his family is a a big part of that full life. You have to have a full life to create. You can’t create from emptiness.” Ralph and Ricky nurtured a family of three children, all grown now and two with families of their won. The couple often turn down social engagement to be with their children on the weekends. They created happiness in their home and now their own children are doing the same. A strong family and spouse can contribute greatly to ones happiness and productivity in the world, relating back to the Tucker Carlson comment “if you want to make the world a better place, marry the right person.”
Meaningful work can also contribute to one’s happiness. This can be one’s career or where they spend their time volunteering. At different stages in one’s life that can mean a different role. I was talking to someone within the last few weeks who made a comment that “whoever told kids they have to LOVE their job was giving them bad advice.” Their point was that you may not love your job, but if it gives you a sense of purpose and it pays well, it allows you to provide a good life and you can pursue those hobbies in your spare time. Meaningful work can also be worthwhile volunteering, charity work, caring for children, grandchildren or aging parents. These too can contribute to a happy life.
Next, a quest for learning and adventure can bring happiness to one’s life. Reading, learning new activities can keep the brain engaging, improve motor skills and keep one ‘in the game.’ For example, reading about interesting topics, learning a new activity or sport can bring a new group of friends dimension to one’s life. A friend of mine has a challenge to learn a new activity every year.
Another area that can contribute to one’s happiness is caring for one’s body and health. Making the routine appointments, screenings, eating healthy, including level appropriate fitness to one’s ability can contribute to feeling good and on top of their medical well being. None of us will live forever on this earth, however, to be as healthy as we can as long as we can, gives us the greatest chance to being able to live a happy life and allows us to be there for those we love.
With all of this being said, life can throw us a curve ball or ‘lightening’ can strike us putting a damper in our plans to live a happy life. Newsflash, that comes with the “package” when you sign up to life here on earth. No one will leave this place unscathed. My observation is that some are ‘struck by lightening’ more than once. We all have seen people along the way, who have just had more of their share of tough stuff to deal with. Interestingly, some of the happiest people I know ARE people who have had a heavy serving of difficulties in life. You may know some people in your life like that. In talking to these people, I find that they have a healthy sense of resilience and they don’t feel sorry for themselves or ask “Why me?”These people are able to mourn/take time to ponder what they have been faced with, lean on their faith, accept the support of family and friends, dust themselves off and get back up again. They also, don’t play the victim or think ‘everyone is out to get me,’ or life isn’t fair.’
Interestingly, back to Gandhi’s observation about happiness and that it occurs when one is in harmony with one’s thought words and actions. So maybe happiness isn’t something you find, but rather, it finds you. Possibly what comes out through what we think, what we speak and what we do, based on our experiences in our life. I often say that happy people aren’t mean and mean people aren’t happy. It’s that simple. When factors in our life, such as our faith, our relationships with others, our work/service and how we care for ourselves is balanced, our happiness shines through and it isn’t anything we need to be on a quest to find, it’s just there…Making for many…Great Days ❤️
